A Difficult Decision

Sushma stared into vacancy. The shock of what had happened to her was still visible in her. It was a scar that could not be erased easily, the scar of widowhood.

Sushma tried hard to recollect her memorable childhood and youth when life ran as the sparkling Thames. How fondly she was brought up by her parents! Though employed, her mother spared no efforts in bringing her up – even at the cost of her career for which she never once regretted. Her father contributed immensely towards infusing self-confidence in her. No doubt Sushma blossomed into a loving and lovable personality. Sushma never lacked attention or affection. The little things she saw around her delighted her – the blooming flower, the humming bees, the multi-coloured butterflies. She even tried to grow butterflies in a chocolate tin stuffed with thin blades of grass and found to her dismay that all of them perished. Such innocent pleasures were hers and hers alone.

Childhood grew into adolescence and there she was well into her teens. That wonderful feeling that you are noticed -the extra effort to make yourself presentable. She had not gone any further. Well-grounded, never entertained any other thought – no doubt an outcome of her upbringing. She was self-confident and lacked nothing. Her parents started groom hunting for her even as she was in her last year of graduation. A computer engineer employed in Dubai was finally chosen. Sriram hailed from a very reputable family He finished his graduation in Chennai, went to the States for higher accomplishment. An attractive and most eligible bachelor, he could be the best choice for any aspiring bride. Sushma’s and Sriram’s wedding was celebrated with all pomp and splendor. All gaiety over, she bade goodbye to her parental home and moved to Dubai with her husband.

Life was rosy and everything took place as expected. A year passed by very quickly – a year of bliss and benevolence. Sushma and Sriram planned to celebrate their first wedding anniversary in the most memorable manner. Sriram had told her that he would come back early from the office for the celebration. Come back he did but as a heap of flesh. Sriram’s car had collided with a speeding truck and everything was over in a split second. Sushma knew not from where she got the courage to accompany her husband’s mutilated body to Chennai.

Now back at her parental home, she recapitulated every moment of her life with Sriram and lamented over the cruel twist of fate.

Raghavan, Sushma’s neighbour at Chennai always had a liking for her. The constant silent admiration turned into adoration even without his knowledge. Many a time he followed her trying to muster the courage to make known his love, failing miserably every time. Even to tell his parents of his wish, he lacked the nerve. So, his love had met its end without fruition.

He was virtually shaken to hear of the calamity in Sushma’s life. He could not stand the sight of her sitting lonely and brooding. Concern born out of love welled up within him – he was prepared to do anything for her happiness. He was surprised at the sudden courage that had overtaken him. Before he could realize it, he was standing at the doorstep of the imposing house. Sushma’s mother opened the door for him and showed him upstairs to meet Sushma.

What he saw shook him visibly. Sushma was no longer the petite and charming girl he had known. Her face was swollen with inconsolable sorrow. The black circles beneath her eyes betrayed her sleeplessness. Her placid appearance was proof of her irretrievable loss. She came back to herself when she heard Raghavan say, “ May I come in ?”

“Please do,” she said and showed him a chair. Raghavan was hesitant at first. Taking his seat, he consoled her asking her to look at her life ahead and live it worthily. With her consent, he was happy to accept her and start life afresh. Will she accept?

Sushma, who never had the opportunity to independently take the major decisions in her life, faced a dilemma. It was a difficult decision. In her grief, she never disclosed even to her parents that she was carrying the seed of Sriram. She was two months into her pregnancy. The best thing that society would advise for her would be to terminate the pregnancy and accept Raghavan. Nobody else except Sriram knew of her pregnancy. Raghavan repeats his offer – thinking he had not articulated himself clearly.

Sushma took a moment to compose herself and with no intention to hide told him that she was carrying Sriram’s child. She believed the very memory of her life with Sriram would be an anchor to hold her on for the rest of her life. She expected Raghavan to understand the reality and go back to a disappointed lover. Surprisingly, he rose up to the situation, “ Would you accept my unconditional love for you and your child? Together, we would make a happy family.”

Words eluded Sushma from seeing Raghavan’s sincere love. What else could have made Raghavan say so- if not true love and devotion to his Sushma!