Charlie's Mini Cooper

“How many times have I told you not to pee here, haan? How many times?” Mistress’s lip quivers with her finger pointing at my favourite tyre.

And then Veer laughs and coughs from behind. I angle to see his small, fragile body and my yellow ball that is still there in his hands.

“Charlie, if you do it again, I swear that even your Ronit bhaiya won’t be able to save you.” I turn back to the mistress instantly. Her hand is now open and closer to my face.

“Don’t growl at me and listen! That’s your bhaiya’s car, and those four tyres you see are the lavatories for your exclusive use. This is my car,” She points at the tyre again and slaps it with the rolled newspaper. The sound makes me jump back. “You will not pee on it. Understood?”

Yes, I bark. You see, I am forgetful Labrador, but now I will try and remember that she asked me not to. 

“Fetch it, my boy!” Veer throws the ball far off in the driveway.

My back collides at several places but I catch the ball just in time. I love the way I can go on and on squishing it between my teeth.

“Give the ball back, Charlie!” He comes with both the hands extended and I start to run the circumference of the cars, with Veer running after me.

Soon Veer’s parents step out. Mistress hugs them and then points at me. “That’s a naughty fellow, bhabhi. Don’t scratch him.”

“C’mon that’s their job! Besides, his urine won’t burn your car’s tyres.” Veer’s mother bends down rubbing her fingers through my hair. Oh yes, that’s the exact point – I roll on my back for her to get a better access. “Such a cute lab you are!”

When she stops, I know that it is the time for my ball pal to leave. I wonder why he can’t stay with us all the time. I, anyway, walk him to the gate and don’t turn around until I can no longer smell him in our locality.

“Charles?” Master calls after mistress has gone inside the house.

I pounce on his back.

“You got to stop leaking on your bhabhi’s Mini Cooper, dude. It’s a new thing and she just hates what you do. And with this new Odd-Even thing starting off in two days, I will get to drive it too. Then perhaps she would become less possessive and maybe months later you would be free to poop or pee on it. I don’t know I am just saying. Do you understand what I am saying?”

I jump off Master’s back. I cannot understand a single thing; only the word ‘bhabhi’ makes me remember that she scolded me some time ago. But what did she scold me for? I keep trying to recall it, but you see I am a forgetful Labrador.

A few mornings later, while I am strolling in the little compound of grass, I ask the servant to play with me but he shows his shoulder and goes straight inside. So I sit down, right there on the grass and warm up my back. The smell of air, I realize, is different, almost sweet, so I close my mouth and inward my tongue too.

Then I hear angry voices of master and mistress coming from the driveway. I spring up to check what’s going on.

“But you are a horrible driver! You can buy a bike instead! That is exempt from this odd-even craziness!” Mistress shrieks at master, and I cover my eardrums with my earflaps. I can see master rubbing his chin.

“Now, Sanchita, baby, you gotta trust me. I have been driving for twelve years now. You can’t say that I am a horrible driver just because I overtake trucks from the left!”

“How about I drop you at work? Your place is like fifteen minutes before mine.”

“Firstly, you are not even ready; secondly, even if you were, I would have preferred to drive to my office and then you might have taken the car away to your office; I don’t want to be laughed at for being driven around by my wife.”

Mistress’s head hangs down and I walk to stand besides her, almost touching her thigh. “You have so much ego, Ronit! Why can’t you take a taxi?”

“Sanchita, you are being too impractical and possessive! I will take this car, that’s all,” he yells at her too loud, and I have seen enough by then. I pounce at his shoulders and try to push him away. “Back off, Charlie!” He holds my front legs and swings me off to the ground. Then I see him reverse the tires out and mistress grunting as she stomps inside.

It is dark when the Master returns and I take my yellow ball to him, because we play before dinnertime everyday. For some reason, he does not take the ball from my mouth. “No play, Charlie.”

Why?

“NO play.”

Why? Why? Why? I ask him repeatedly.

“For God’s sake, Charlie!” Master yells and I have to back off. “Don’t you see I have banged your bhabhi’s car?”

*****

I have been scared of Master and Mistress for a long time now. They keep shouting at each other and my ears hurt, and also I am afraid of their popping eyes so I do not go close to them whenever they are together.

I have not even taken my ball to the Master or looked around my favourite tyres, for one reason that the tires are not even there. I chew on my ball alone, sitting on the grass, missing my ball pal, Veer. I wish he would visit us soon and play with me.

And then there is that continuous sweet smell in the air. I don’t know where it came from and why it hasn’t gone yet. I think it makes me quite sleepy, to be honest.

Also I have noticed that Master has been going in someone else’s tyres and that seem to infuriate him more. Every morning there are different set of tyres and I have to threaten the stranger sitting on the wheel, lest he does something to my master. You see I am a sincere Labrador.

At the moment, I can hear master in the driveway, talking loudly on phone and then he yanks the gate open and shouts. “Your Cooper is here, Sanchita!”

I cannot wait for the tyres to stop; I need to empty my bladder urgently. “Stop it, Charles!” He produces my yellow ball from somewhere and throws it away on the grass. Master wants to play! I run after the ball and when I bring it back, he is popping his eyes at Mistress again and so is she.

“It’s unbelievable, that you still want to drive this!”

“Why not? It was not my fault if someone chose to hit an almost stationary car.”

“Almost. Well, either you take a taxi like you have been taking since last two days or wait for twenty minutes for me to get ready and then I can drop you.”

“Damn it, Sanchita! You are so obsessed by this non-living thing! I can’t keep spending so much on taxi and neither will I accept you to drive me around every alternate day and make a woman out of me. You know what? I will take my car and see what happens.”

Mistress shrugs her shoulders while Master drives off.

It is not even my breakfast time when Master is back and that is unusual. He pounds inside and I dare not cross his path, while he is speaking on the phone, “Yes, Ola? I need to book a cab…”

*****

Mistress returns home in the evening. I am sniffing around the tyres and when she steps out, I smell something even better. It is coming from the packets that she has held in her hands. I want to have some!  I tell her and she lifts the packets up, away from my nose.

I follow her inside, stopping right outside the place of mystical smells that sometimes drive me crazy. You see, I am not allowed to go to this place but sometimes a thing or two is flung across and I vault up to catch them in my mouth.

“This is for Veer and my bhaiya-bhabhi, Charlie. Not for you.” Mistress says. Wow! My tyres, good smells, Veer! “You won’t catch your tail, no matter how much rotate around it.” She laughs and throws some round, slippery thing that I quickly swallow down.

More! – I ask her.

“Stop it, I’m not gonna give you more of this processed stuff.”

When guests arrive, I shout out for Veer and nudge him to come outside to play. But Veer’s mother has held his wrist and doesn’t let him free.

“This is the most antagonizing rule, ever! I paid thousand to the thulla and five hundred to Ola! I could have taken Sanchita out for a date in that much money, only if she had agreed to get ready sooner.” Master laughs but I see that mistress isn’t amused.

I lie down on the floor, waiting for them to free Veer. And soon I am bored but tempting smells keep me from sleeping. When I look around, Veer is already dozing off in his mother’s lap.

They are whispering now. I try to raise my earflaps and though I hear them, their conversations are again incomprehensible to me. Then there is a sudden silence. I spring up on my fours. Why are you all so quiet? – I ask in a low voice too.

Perhaps they have not heard my question because nobody looks at me. And now I am done behaving goody-goody. It’s time to wake up my ball pall, I decide, and make a loud call even though he’s less than two feet away from me.

“Shh! Sorry, love. Veer can’t play ball with you today,” Veer’s mother says.

Play. Yes, I want to play! I tell her and she turns to gaze at master and then most horrifying of all, he comes around with the leash! Wait! What did I do? Why do you want to tie me up? Master ties one end of the leash around my neck and takes me out. “You see, Charles. Veer is not well. VEER. NO. PLAY.”

Veer no play! Why? What did Veer do wrong? And then master takes a long breath and I cannot help my tail from falling down. His breath sounds so ominous to my ears that I have lost all my appetite.

When Veer and his family leave, nobody bends down to scratch me or play ball with me. I’m not able to sleep the whole night and just when my eyes close themselves in the morning, I hear snivels. I take my steps sheepishly to behind the tires, from where the suspicious sound is coming. Alas! Its mistress that is sniveling and master has held her. Slowly I go nearer to ensure if they are not hurting each other, and if I need to jump in between them. As I peep closer, I do not see any popping eyes, and their soft voice doesn’t hurt my ears.

“Doctors say it’s a serious case of asthma with Veer and there is nothing that we can do to reverse it.” Master says.

“But there must be something, something we could do?”

Master shakes his head, “Sorry, love.” And then he turns to me. “Sorry, Charles.”