• Published : 24 Jun, 2015
  • Comments : 0
  • Rating : 0

I logged into my fake Facebook account which I created to stalk hot people or my past lovers. In the news feed I saw his picture. His eyes were hidden with sunglasses but I could make out that he had closed his eyes as if feeling the beauty of nature. He was standing on a balcony and I could see a few hotels in the background. He looked smart in the picture. My heart skipped a beat. Was he really turning so handsome? Or was it just me thinking? I scrolled and found his other picture. He was standing with his back turned admiring the beauty of Dalhousie. I wondered if he had gone with his family or friends or his girlfriend. My thoughts started taking me to new directions of love filled with hatred. I clicked on his account to see his other activities. I saw that he got an internship at NTPC. Oh what a coincidence! Why does he always have to be connected to me? Didn't he know that I was born and brought up in one of the NTPC colonies? Anyway, I just clicked on the ‘like’ button on all his new activities. I don't know why I did so but it made me happy. May be my lonely heart just wanted to show me those emotions which might be still there in my heart. I thought of complimenting him. Although I had little doubts if he would remember me. I messaged him "Nice pic".

*****

It was the middle of night when I logged back again to my fake account. I saw there was a message from him. He first asked me who I was, why I messaged him after four years and if it was really Suman?

My heart felt good. At least he was able to remember me. And I was surprised too.

I replied to him confirming that I was indeed Suman.
He was online by that time. I thought he was waiting for me. May be he really wanted to know if I was really remembering him after four years.

But he didn't know that I had never forgotten him. How could I ever forget Jatin. He was my first love. He was the first boy who I became close friends with. He was the first guy to leave me and shatter me completely. How can I stop blaming him for coming into my life?

He responded back. We talked about our present life. He asked me if it was true that I got married. I said that the marriage had been postponed. He enquired if I got engaged. I lied and said yes. I think he was crushed to hear that. He wanted to know all about my fiancé. I knew he wanted to know so that he could compare if I had really chosen a guy better than him. I gave him the details with utmost care so that he could not stalk my fiancé. He asked me for his picture. I sent him a photograph of Ashish holding me in his arms in Nainital. 
I wondered how Jatin would have felt after seeing this that. 
He still congratulated me. I questioned him if he was seeing someone and planning to settle down. He said clearly that he had no such plans for at least five years. I asked if he ever fell in love again. He said, "It is difficult. One can't just go and propose to a girl if he hasn’t established himself in his career."
We moved a bit to our past. He started telling me how he changed after we broke up.  None of us were happy. We both felt the pain.

After so many years he finally confessed as to why he left me. He said his family had come to know about us and were inspecting his phone and other activities. He didn't want me to get in trouble. So he promised his family that he would leave me forever.

*****

I felt a deep pain in my heart when he told all this. How could my life always betray me? How can I always face same thing again and again?

I couldn’t believe it. Was God playing some kind of game with me?

*****

After breaking up with Jatin, I had been miserable and got into bad company. I went too far to forget him by any means. But then Ashish came to my life. I always felt that he was quite similar to Jatin, except that perhaps he loved me more than Jatin did. I was happy with Ashish. But at the back of my head I would always feel as if I was dating a shadow of Jatin. Ashish had given me a lot of happiness in just two years of our relationship. He fulfilled all my dreams. We enjoyed doing everything together. Ashish was the perfect man I could ever get.

But like all good things, even our relationship came to an end. After coming back from our last trip to Manali, everything changed. His family started becoming rude to him and me. They gave him an ultimatum to either chose me or them. He swore to them that he would leave me.

*****

It was dawn and I was still not feeling sleepy. The questions and faces of Jatin and Ashish were running in my mind. My mind kept on asking me if they did right by leaving me. My heart questioned if I did right by falling in love. I was totally confused. Did everyone have to leave me for the same reason? Why do families make their children suffer? Why do lovers have to part? Why does the heart play games? I still am searching for the answers with a broken heart.

 

About the Author

Suhani Sinhas

Member Since: 21 Jun, 2015

...

View Profile
Share
Average user rating

0


Kindly login or register to rate the story
Total Vote(s)

0

Total Reads

751

Recent Publication
Falling in love twice
Published on: 24 Jun, 2015

Leave Comments

Please Login or Register to post comments

Comments