The atmosphere at his home can’t be explained. Neel’s Dad was not talking to him he just used to ignore him; mom just spoke to the point. Neel slept all day, kept sitting on terrace crying on his fate, on his destiny sometimes cursing God… but he had no answers with him.

Results of his friends were equally bad apart from Gaurav, Aditya and Anapurna who managed to get through; Gaurav got through well by scoring 61 percent marks and rest all of them including him failed either in one subject or more.

Nalini….she also got through with 54 percent marks in CBSE class 12th examinations Neel himself messaged her marks after he saw it on 22nd may, when she asked about his results he ignored her.

Neel along with Aditiya had enrolled for the BHU entrance exam for B.COM but he now had flunked and it was not possible for him to give the exams, Aditya encountered some problem in his form which was not submitted properly.  As Neel had enrolled for the BHU it was more than obvious that Nalini will do the same as at that time they were in relationship and whatever he did, she was a part of it. The BHU exam was scheduled on 26th may and he had his tickets booked but destiny didn’t allow him to sit for the exam. Nalini must have gone for the examination and yes he came to know this from his Ravi uncle who was in contact with her as he had introduced him to her to sort out his problems once upon a time….


The Silent Painful Life

After a week Neel’s dad came and sat beside him, he felt uncomfortable and was about to leave that place but he interrupted and asked him to sit and asked. “What do you think? What do you want to do now? ”

He replied, “I have thought to appear for the Compartmental Exams which will be held in July and the results will be declared by August and that will probably save my one year”

Sarcastically his dad replied, “You were not able to clear the subject which you studied for two years, do you think it’s possible for you to clear by studying it for a month.

He was again speechless. He had heard from many of his friends and seniors that in compartmental examinations, the questions were tougher than the normal exams; he was already scared but at that time, was just concerned about the loss of one a year which was looking very prominent.

Dad suggested, “Take a break now and prepare well and appear for the exams next year.”

He said nothing and started to prepare himself to appear for the exam next year.

 Abhinav and Alok also passed their 12th examinations with good marks they had appeared from State board.

 He thought that the 2010 year will be one of the best years for him but just in a day the scenario of his life changed completely. He dreamed of getting out of house for further studies, knowing the world, becoming independent and several sorts of things. After that day he avoided going anywhere with a fear that if he will meet any of his friends then what will he answer, more specifically he hated going in family functions because any one he met out there started asking questions regarding his career like ‘What are you doing now-a-days.’  So he remained at home all the time alone with his phone, dad had indicated him that he will take back his new phone from him keeping in mind his examinations.

He told, “Take it next year when you will go out for further studies.”

All these things were quite obvious and he had no power to stop these happenings.

All the time he just remained silent and saw things happening against him.

To sum it up he was ruined,  was left with nothing neither his love nor his career everything looked black, He had no desire to live but in his mind he was like he has to prove himself to his dad and so he finally decided to re appear for the exam everyone said that ‘One year will just pass by like a wink’ but it was he who was going to face that one year with no one to share his feelings with, he had to work hard, most of his facilities were snatched from him even his bike, his dad started taking it with him to the bank.

Gradually he came to know about few more students who were probably in the same condition as Neel was and Piyush one of his classmate was also in the same condition, he was never close to him he was just a mutual friend but now as they both needed someone to help each other they became close as both had to appear for the exam.

He now had only three works to do eat, sleep and sit in front of books either study or not, initially it was difficult for him to study he used to open the books and sit in front of them and sleep on the chair but then again he had to study because he had to prove himself he had to do it for his dad though those days he always remained angry on him but still DAD was DAD.

He wanted to remain alone and that’s why after the result he changed his number and gave to only those persons whom he was concerned to.

On 22nd June Nalini gave a missed call on his landline phone as there was caller id installed he came to know about her number he ignored it but then again she called and Neel received the phone.

She started asking how was he, what step he had taken after the results and all kinds of questions. Neel’s bad result made him forget the hatred for Nalini, He was in no case getting back into relationship with her but the intensity of his hatred got less. He spoke to her for twenty to twenty five minutes on that day and then came back to his bitter life which he thought would have become best year of his life.

After the loss of almost everything in his life, that was his love and his career was in deep shit no one knew what was there in Neel’s future.

He avoided going anywhere even he hesitated to go to the market with his mom. Gradually as the months started passing he felt relieved that his sufferings will probably come to an end but he was again scared whether he will be able to make it up this time or not as CBSE board was very unpredictable in setting questions and he lacked confidence since childhood and certain downfall in his life had made him even more weak from inside and his self-confidence was at its lowest. So he now thought of a backup because he wasn’t really sure whether he will be able to score well.


The NIOS (National Institute of Open Schooling)

NIOS national institute of open schooling this board was specially established for those persons who for some reasons were unable to complete their studies reason may be anything be it financial problems or family issues. This open schooling also helped those students who either have failed in their class 12th examinations or had no time to study; the value of this open schooling board was almost equivalent to all other educational boards. Though there is a lot of controversy about the board’s value.  

This board has saved many students from losing their important year and helped them to proceed in their career without any obstruction or year loss to be very specific. Many of Neel’s friends who probably got a feeling that they will not be able to clear out the 12th examinations had already enrolled for that open schooling class 12th examinations they had asked Neel also to fill the form as a backup but at that time he felt passing 12th like that will be against his ethics.

 Actually what happens in NIOS examinations specifically in Bihar( I am not sure about rest of the places) that at the examination center gets booked by some agents who give money to the principal and they allow mass cheating now mass cheating is a term which means that all the students who sat for the exam gave certain amount of money to the  invigilator of the examination hall and they would either provide them with all the answers or they would write down all the answers on the board of that classroom. Neel thought this was an unethical way to clear out 12th examinations but then again if you are only concerned about degree which will help you to move ahead in life it was a perfect option to for. Just pay Rs 6000 sit in the class copy down the answers and the result will reach you. I am not blaming the board the blame is on the corrupt education system which allowed the non deserving students to excel without any problem but this was it.

He thought of a backup as he was very depressed at that time, he had to just clear out class 12th either by hook or crook so without bringing into the notice of his dad he enrolled for that examination, he had to take loan from his friend because initially Neel thought that telling about this even to mom would be dangerous but later told her and she agreed to keep his secret and gave him the money to return to that friend who had helped him at the time of enrollment. He was a little relaxed after enrolling, but he never wanted to pass that way he wanted to prove, himself he wanted to see his father happy he wanted to score well in CBSE at least 1st division. Gradually he made his aim to do well in the studies and joined accountancy tuitions again and was bound to join the computer tuitions also as the CBSE board made some changes in the syllabus. Piyush was with him and he did all the same things which Neel did.

Their accountancy tuition teacher was a very good friend of Neel’s dad and on dad’s special request he had accepted them to teach.

 Neel started studying seriously keeping in mind his CBSE class 12th examinations. He had no work to do just to go to tuitions and come back to home he felt more comfortable when he was away from home with Piyush either for tuitions or just for leisure enjoyment. They used to go and sit near the river banks after tuitions and just discuss their lives the difficulties they have faced despite of being born in a middle class family.

Accountancy was still a problem for Neel. He thought to cover up the complete syllabus one by one from easier paper to tougher, accountancy and computers were regular as he had to go to the tuitions and had to complete the homework’s which were given by the teacher. Piyush started coming to his house almost daily and they used to study together and they really studied.

As he had thought earlier how will he be able to spend this huge one year but time passed very fast and with the each passing day his pain got less and less.

Aditya took admissions in Delhi university though he had not got good marks but there was some school of open learning which gave chance to those students who secured less marks to study under the name of DELHI UNIVERSITY and they had a provision that if a student of open learning school will secure 55% marks he can migrate as a regular student to Delhi University Anapurna also got admitted in the same university. She had better marks so she got a regular college, Gaurav joined city college and rest others were trying to pass the class 12th examination including me.

Very soon September came and they got enrolled for the CBSE examinations as private candidates and Neel felt very happy after filling up the CBSE form because he really wanted to get good marks from that board that is 60 percent marks.



 Yes, he missed her many times when he used to be alone, when he used to read their old chats when he used to listen to the telephonic conversations he missed her so much she used to call quite often to talk to him.

Neel probably thought she had realized her mistake of not giving him the proper value and respect and sometimes when they spoke she often said ‘I can wait for you. Now I have realized that no one can love me more that you’ And all kinds of things but as Neel was determined and had lost feelings for her, he was not at all in the position to get back into relationship with her. He told her very frankly. His love story was finished he definitely wanted a relationship but not with Nalini again. He knew whoever he will get in relationship with will have no complains with him, she may have silly issues but not any big reason of tension would come in between them…

 Neel gained weight sitting at home but he was least bothered about his physic or body he just wanted to prove himself.  Exam time came near and again that old tension crept inside him… what will happen what not?  He had not finished his accountancy yet but yes this time at least he knew what the chapters were and had the rough idea of every chapter how to solve them and rest other papers were prepared well.

Now the biggest thing which Neel had in my mind was revealing about the NIOS issue in front of his Dad and for this he selected his birthday only because he was sure that however his dad will react, he will not hit him on his birthday.

He went in front of him and told him about the thing at a stretch, “I have filled up the NIOS form as a backup”

 And he kept standing there itself. He knew he will come up with a long speech and yes after a pause he started,

“Don’t you have some confidence, after preparing for three years for a subject you still need a backup. All this hardwork and tution is of no use it seems. You are only capable of passing from NIOS”

I tried to explain him my point of view but he was not at all ready to listen to him in the end he told one huge line which made him very upset and which left Neel with no option other than scoring at least 60 percent marks in CBSE board.

He said; “If you take an admission on the basis of the marks secured by NIOS you will see my dead”

Now this was the extreme comment anyone could have made on his NIOS enrollment and this was said by the supreme. He did not say any word and went back to his room. He thought what will happen if he again failed in CBSE exam what will his dad feel how will he face him.

One thing which relieved his family to a great extent was the consistent improving health of his brother. He was doing well ever since Neel’s results were out in which he had performed badly. He finally believed that at least god listened to him and he at least helped his troubled brother.

He was on homeopathic treatment and probably Neel’s dad’s inclination towards God showed some positive responses he was recovering, his childhood was lost in pain and sleep.  The poor child was unable to start his career as any other normal child of his age.

 Neel was satisfied to see this and had no regrets with God. He was even ready to fail one more time if God promised him to cure his brother and make him like any other normal child.

About Author

Kshitiz Sudhakar

Member Since: 25 Apr, 2014

Graduate and Post Graduate in Mass Communication with Advertising and Public Relations as my specialization from Indian Institue of Mass Communication, New Delhi. Authored my debut novel AN AVERAGE GUY and contributed in three anthologies which ...

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