Destiny's Black Humour

The alarm goes off dragging me back to the reality, from my world of dreams. The world where I'm just happy, safe and most importantly - loved.

I reluctantly get up from my bed and check my phone, as I usually do. I sit there for a few minutes, going through all the messages and mails. Just before I put my phone aside, something hits me like a freight train. Something flashes past my mind, so raw and bitter, as if it happened just a few seconds ago.

The date.

This date, a year ago, had snatched my life from me. Even a single thought made me go weak in my knees, even today. My shoulders dropped at the thought of the date, and my eyes welled up. I closed my eyes just so that the withheld tear gets its deserved escape through my cheeks, down to my hand. I looked down at my hand.

I brought it close to my heart. This was all I needed to break down. I'd been holding myself so tight, to not to fall apart, to not to slip down in to depression and mainly, to not to lose my life to this date. But today, I miserably failed in doing so. I just let all the tears roll down.

There is silence around. So silent, that I hear my heart beat out of my cage. Two hours had passed by, and I was still lying on the bed, helpless and hapless. Only last year, this very room was filled with her laughter, with her cute tantrums and with her over-the-world love. The room was very much alive with Amy, her Labrador, lovingly licking her face. But today, it is unusually silent. I exhale deeply, letting myself visit the forbidden room of my memories. Of her memories. I'd moved on successfully after the tragedy had struck me. So even this breakdown - I knew I would get over soon.

I close my eyes. Her images flash before my eyes.

‘Raunak, wake up!’ I can still hear her voice. It was all so magical.

All those years of our relationship, which later turned into our marriage, dance in front of me. And suddenly, the image of her dead body floats by. I gasp and hold my breath as if it is all happening again! I wail in agony. I let myself cry for a few minutes, until the pain is released from the prison of sadness. I had not realised that I'd been shutting this away for a long time. I stare at the empty floor, while my mind replays the scenes from the day she died in that car accident.

It was all so good, all so beautiful and heavenly. We were off to our honeymoon destination. We had another couple in the car we’d taken to reach our resort. We were having the best of our moments back then, laughing, and mucking around. And then, out of nowhere, a truck collided head-on with us. I do not remember anything after that. Nothing. All I remember is waking up to a nurse in the hospital. My world was whirling round; had I only realized that it’d soon spiral down to emptiness, I would have preferred lying on the bed till death hugged me. I frantically searched for my wife, I was still in hallucination. My head was hurting badly. I did not remember how long I'd been on the bed! All I knew was the fact that my wife needed me. And I needed her. I asked the receptionist about the people who’d arrived at the hospital along with me.

‘I’m sorry sir; you've to identify a body in the mortuary.’

I can never forget those words. It was as if the world came crashing down. Trapped and suffocated, that's how I felt. I'd loved her for six long years before we got married. I'd nobody else in this world except for Shirin, my love. I knew losing her would mean losing every ounce of my life.

I had gathered courage from whatever energy my body was left with and whatever life my soul had, and had walked boldly towards the mortuary. Her voice and giggles were haunting me throughout the time I’d been in the warzone between my heart and my logic. I'd confidently hoped that the body wasn't of Shirin and, I'd find her in the general ward or something. My brain somehow knew Shirin couldn't have sustained the accident; she was as gentle as a flower. But my heart was still helplessly praying and begging for my wife. One part wanted me to get back to my ward and sleep until Shirin comes finding me. Another part of me knew I would never forgive myself if the body who was calling out for its loved one was of Shirin.

Destiny had been haven for me ever since I met Shirin. But no, this time it wouldn't have it my way.    The body was of Shirin. How do you look at the girl you love so much and tell yourself that she is no more? I couldn't explain this to my heart. Those were the ruthless ten minutes of my life. The ten minutes when life was being so brutal and harsh to me. Her face was split open, bruises all across her body. I couldn't even recognize her as the Shirin I once loved. No, she wasn't recognizable. The only evidence was our engagement ring. The ring she was so proud of. Even that ring had been damaged beyond repair. I cursed the universe for her last agony, for the kind of pain she might have faced. I carefully pulled out the ring that bore my love for her and instead, I slid my ring that she’d given, onto her finger. Something of me must stay with her even after her death, my heart told me.

I brought her body close to me. Just a day before, when had I hugged her, she had wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. She had said, ‘Ron, I love you,’ but today, she did not hold me tight. Her body had become cold and pale. Her face was impassive. I couldn't bear that. I could not see her like that. It was too much of a pain for my heart to accept and handle. This time, a year ago, I’d been happily packing my luggage for my honeymoon trip. And today, I lay still on my bed. It was as if the world in me had come to a grinding halt, but the world around me was still trying to catch the edge of time.

I suddenly give out a jolt. My phone has been ringing for a long time now.

‘Hello?’ I was still gasping.

‘Raunak! Where have you been? I’ve been trying to you contact since an hour!’ Tarun yelled.

‘I’m so sorry. I was actually sleeping!’

‘Gosh! It is 11 in the morning, Ron! You need to be here in an hour, straight! Don’t you dare tell me that you forgot about the meeting? You didn’t, did you?’

I look at the clock. I have been lying here since times immemorial. I close my eyes and flush out all the thoughts.

‘I’ll be there, Tarun. See you,’ I barely whisper.

All of us live with our past. All of us allow it to shape our future. But some of us know how to shrug the past. I think that is who I am. I did not shrug it, though. I just allowed it to stay deep down in my heart, and to never let it come back to existence! After I lost Shirin, I was devoid of all the happiness and of all the love. I'd never touched her memories, her belongings and I'd even dropped Amy at my friend's place, who was more than happy to have her as his pet dog. I'd simply started living my life as if she never existed. Deep down, it used to prick my heartstrings and hurt me, but I lived with it. But that wasn't the way destiny thought I should be. I rose back in my life. Owing to the loss, I never loved anybody again, not that I didn't want to, but because I did not find anybody worth Shirin's place.

I took back to business and today, I am one of the leading entrepreneurs in the city. If Shirin had been here, she would have wanted the same, nevertheless. Yes, being alone kills a part of you, but also strengthens another part of you. I look at her photograph. I'd locked all our photographs in an application in my phone, the password being- 'Forget her'. I gather my courage to unlock it. She was still there, smiling at me. She’d always been so beautiful and serene. I smile back at her. I’d given the broken ring to her parents. It was the only thing they’d asked for. I couldn’t deny.

She's gone, Raunak.

I stare at my phone. All her photographs stare back at me. With trembling hands, I hit the ‘delete all’ button and let out another tear slide down my face. Shrugging off all the thoughts, the never ending train of memories and yearning for my past, I decide to face the day, as if it were just another day. My feet lose grip as I try to stand. I shut my eyes and exhale sharply. I loved her. She loved me too. But becoming a heartless person, a person who seldom smiled and a person who had to face the darkest humor of destiny, I couldn't have given up on love like that - if I were the same Raunak I had been a year ago.

Get going.

‘Raunak! You're sick. You would have screwed the company for heaven's sake!’ Tarun was all ready with his not-so-dramatic tirade!

‘I wouldn't have done that, Tarun. Relax now, for a bit. I'm on time!’ I reassure him.

‘I know. That's why I love you so much.’

‘Oh, Tarun, I have to say you are turning into such a woman!’ I purse my lips together.

‘Shut up!’

I soon complete the meeting and get back to my cabin. There's a woman sitting there, on the visitor's couch. She is reading a magazine kept on the table. She is so lost in reading it, that she barely notices me come in.

‘Yes?’ I ask firmly.

‘Hi, I am Sharanya,’ she fumbles and hurriedly gets up to extend her hand for a warm shake hand. I hold my breath as I see her. So much like Shirin. Her eyes, her lips, and her curly hair touching down to her waist, everything about this girl was so close to what Shirin was. My heart skips a beat and I am unable to count on my senses.

‘YeahHowMayIHelpYou?’ the words just tumble over each other and are barely understandable.

‘Sir, I saw the advertisement in the local today. It said the company has vacancies. So here's my resume and...’

I barely hear her. She has got a magical voice and even more magical aura. She's beautiful. I did not even realize if I was smiling or drooling over this girl. SHIRIN had found her way back to me, may be.  Maybe this is how it is destined to be. This is how it has to be. Everyone's past has an unforgettable chapter. But that chapter never said not to open up another chapter. What Shirin and I had were wonderful memories, but they cannot be my ONLY memories. Maybe this is it, not allowing my past to shape my future? Maybe my sapphire stone is really blue for the kind of divine favour my constellations have thought of showering me with. I stare at the resume that’s kept in front of me. Can I afford not seeing someone who resembles Shirin in every possible way, again? - Definitely not.

I let out a smile, ‘WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU ON BOARD, MISS SHARANYA.’