Donald Trump’s misogyny is legendary, we know. Closer to home, Kamal Nath, the senior-most Congress leader in Madhya Pradesh, referred to MP cabinet minister Imarti Devi as an 'item' at a poll rally. Kerala Congress Chief M.Ramchandran suggested publicly that any self-respecting woman should commit suicide if raped, in order to not let it happen again. TV actor Mukesh Khanna declared in an interview that the MeToo problem started only after women started to work because their prime responsibility is to take care of the house….that the problems begin when women aspire to walk shoulder-to-shoulder with men. M.L.Khattar, CM of Haryana, said that women only file complaints of rape to get back at their ex-boyfriends. BJP MLA Surender Singh said that only instilling sanskar in daughters can prevent rapes.
Hmmm….I am referring to casual comments made by ‘responsible’ men last month…. not years, decades, or centuries ago…. as they surely have been made down the ages, almost on a daily basis. It still is a man’s world, looks like, with no change in sight.
And it has taken me a lifetime to realize that it isn’t fair. With a little empathy in our hearts, if we men put ourselves in the shoes of the women in our lives—our wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, domestic help—and try to imagine the trials and tribulations they go through almost daily, it may dawn on us how lucky we are to be born as males in this society. Think about it.
Who thought of the practice of sati hundreds of years ago? Why were husbands not required to jump into the funeral pyre if their wives died? Who laid down the condition of dowry as a condition of marriage—that goods, cash, and property must be given by the bride’s family to the bridegroom? Why do women have to fast on Karva Chauth for their husbands (many against their will) and not the other way round? No prizes for guessing. Men through the ages have devised various ways to assert their ‘superiority’ over women, to subjugate them at any cost.
As my better half of 37 years never fails to remind me whenever ‘convenient’, she could have had a successful corporate career—she’s certainly competent enough—had I not insisted on her quitting her job before we got married. In fact, it was a condition I laid down for us to get married! (In my defence, that was 1983—a different era; I was also young and stupid. I thought that it was the right decision to make to enable us to be together while I worked at sea.) A bit of patriarchal arm twisting, with the able support of my late dear Dad. It is a decision I have had all the time in the world to feel guilty about since.
Now older and a little wiser, I have come to the conclusion that women are more capable than men—or at least equal—and we men are doing our best to hold them back. Why? Because we can’t handle their success at almost everything! They have slowly entered every field and are finding success everywhere, while managing their homes as well. Studies have shown they can multi-task better than men—juggle home, kids, spouse, workplace and social life that much better. I think they try that much harder to overcome the odds stacked against them. For those women who don’t have that knack, they just put in more work to compensate. Simple as that. I’m talking of women in general—not exceptions to the rule. For example, haven’t you seen or heard of women in the Mumbai local trains shelling peas on their way home from work for the evening meal? That’s time management. And have you seen or heard of men doing the same? No, I didn’t think so.
Women have great reserves of strength and fortitude that we men can only dream of.
While I was growing up, it never occurred to my parents to teach me how to cook. Nor did it occur to us as parents to teach our son how to do so. It would certainly have been beneficial to be able to do that—an added skill that makes one less dependent on others. As we try to raise our daughters more like our sons—educate them up to postgraduate level, get them into sports, etc.—we need to raise our sons more like our daughters. You know, teach them basic cooking, cleaning their own rooms and bathrooms, manage guests, etc.
I think if more women break the glass ceiling and occupy positions of power—from heading corporations to being heads of state (as Kamala Harris says, ‘I may be the first, but I won’t be the last’); and more men ran their homes—from cooking and cleaning to managing the kids—I believe it will be a truly equal world, a better world. A world with more respect for women and with no pay gap, less sexual harassment, less exploitation, less violence. A world where the girl child will be welcomed into the world as joyously as a male one.
But will that be allowed to happen? I have my doubts. Unless you all do something about it, ladies, slowly but surely. I know you’re trying—the times are changing. But not changing fast enough. But here lies the rub—we men may not allow you to bring changes. Relinquish our advantages? What for? Men see it as a battle—a battle of the sexes—to be won at any cost. And the rapes, murders, dowry deaths, wife-beating, and discrimination in society will continue. Why? Because men are physically bigger and stronger, and they can.
No, patriarchy will never go away. Not in my lifetime.
I’m not sure whether to secretly heave a sigh of relief, or hang my head in shame.
Graphic Source: https://www.npr.org/
Beetashok Chatterjee is the author of Driftwood, a collection of stories about Life at Sea. A ship’s captain by profession, he joined the Merchant Navy at a young age and now misses it, having just retired after completing more than forty years at sea.
His book is available on Amazon. Click here.
Comments