A man woke up in the middle of the night and made his way to the loo. Half asleep, job over, he was washing his hands when he saw a grotesque figure in the mirror. It glared out at him with red eyes and a face covered with hair, that stood up as though it had been electrocuted. The man was so spooked that he fainted clean away. The giant crash woke his wife up. She came running to see what the matter was, and she too saw the figure, red-eyed, with a head filled with hair. She followed suit and joined him in a swoon.
When they both recovered and described what exactly they had seen, they were relieved and very amused. They had seen themselves in the dim-lit mirror and scared themselves.
Before I continue my piece, please keep in mind that this is a purely fictitious piece, which has nothing to do with body-shaming or low self-esteem. It is written in good humour, meant to cheer, especially in these days of trial and tribulation. Plus, it is about me and my trials, not meant to point fingers at anyone else. Hence, please do take what I am writing with a sackful of salt. A dose of humour can go a long way these days.
Lockdown means just that. You stay at home and meet friends and family virtually. Dressing up has become redundant. I lounge around in pyjamas and my husband’s old, overgrown T-shirts, and he walks around in a T-shirt and shorts. And isn’t it true that the older the clothes, the more comfortable they are? So, the hair remains undyed, the lipstick rolls under the shelf, and fancy clothes remain unworn. It is too much of an effort to iron anything, anyway.
Suddenly, things change. “You are invited to a Zoom call!” You panic; there is so much to be done to look presentable. Face washed, kajal and lipstick applied, hair combed (gosh, that’s a chore!) and a decent kurta worn. Pyjamas continue… even executives attending official calls wear only the upper half of their suits, is what I have heard. So, who are we not to follow ‘suit’!
My hair has always been natural burgundy (!!!) and let me tell you, it takes a real effort to keep it that way. During the lockdown, the hair proved to have a mind of its own. It first went streaky, with grey highlights that shone forth like moonbeams against a black sky. The streaks first appeared at the hair parting, moved up to the temples, and reappeared at the sideburns, if you can call them that. Let me tell you, what looks elegant on a gentleman, and is classily termed ‘salt and pepper’ on him, just looks unkempt and messy when it comes to me.
Beards have come back into fashion, probably because barbers had gone out of vogue during the lockdown. Videos burgeoned all over the place, with people cutting their own hair, wives chopping off their husbands’ locks, (at times, a part of their ears as well!), and DIY articles that showed you exactly how to cut and style your own hair. Sometimes, the efforts were gratifying, at other times, the poor victims looked as though they had been dragged backwards through briar bushes. Or ‘keekad’ bushes, to cater to the local folks.
I patted myself on the back the day I bought this fridge magnet.
“Both of us can’t look good… it’s either me or the house.”
It was a kind of justification of all the times when, ‘maid-less’, I just did not have the time or inclination to make the house sparkle. In fact, most times, both of us did not look good! (The house and I, of course!) Men have such an advantage over us. They have a bath, spritz on a deodorant, and their clothes and they look human. They look the same when they wake up in the morning too.
I must mention the other fridge magnet that I picked up at the same time.
“I don’t need a man to keep me happy… but a maid is essential.” Makes sense in these times, doesn’t it?
Zoom calls led the way, till people discovered their origin. Out zoomed Zoom, and in came Microsoft Teams, Google Classroom, and Cisco Webex, as everyone climbed on the bandwagon. The virus floating around has shut the world down rather effectively. Schools have opted for online learning, and teachers across the board are slogging to find unique ways of imparting knowledge. The world, and its denizens, have kick-started their creativity and thousands of videos are flooding the Internet… movies, serials, dance, music, theatre, DIY and cookery videos, make-up, books, and reading… click a button and you can find something to interest you. Click another button and you can talk to your loved ones. Or celebrate a special birthday. Even join up and make virtual videos where you and your gang dance or sing. (Even if you have two left feet or a voice that can empty a hall in two shakes!)
Quarantine, masks, sanitisers… these are the keywords of today. The humble mask has turned into a decorative item. People are matching masks to their outfits. The other day I met this elegant lady who wore a sari to match her mask. Then there are those masks that have the lower part of your face on them, (a new photographic ruse!) so that you can still be recognised. Sounds a trifle eerie, especially when you are grinning, and you take off your mask, and the grin continues! Something like the Scream mask!
Then there was the forward on WhatsApp in which there were some models wearing masks made of gold, with thin filigree work. Looked eye-catching (ornate enough to catch the eye of a burglar waiting for the Gold Rush!)
This period has been especially hard for the regular tipplers who have been missing their regular tipple. A welcome respite was found when the authorities insisted on using alcohol-based sanitisers to keep the hands clean. It came as no surprise when sanitisers disappeared off the shelves at one stage. It took a while for the beverage outlets to open up, and when they finally did, a relieved lot of imbibers stood sedately in queues, at a safe distance, masks on. Many of them had their helmets on, one had placed his bag over his head and some of them were pretending that they were invisible. Maybe the cameras trained on them made them sheepish. Anyway, sanitisers soon came back on to the shelves once again!
What have we learnt in these trying times?
Friends and family can take care of one another even over the telephone because visits can be dangerous, especially if the virus decides to piggyback and come along too.
Covidiots will be covidiots, especially when they decide to take on the virus by challenging it. “Catch me if you can!” The Cassius Clay catchline seems impressive, but the virus has a mind of its own. And all the wrong intentions as well. So, if a chance encounter does lead to flu symptoms, all that bravado goes out of the window when one thinks of accompanying entourage of problems – co-morbidities, which is a term that has made its appearance in common parlance, quarantine which is another word for being cooped up at home or elsewhere, and of course, vaccines with impressive-sounding names, which have been manufactured to create the right impressions!
Many lessons have been learnt in 2020, not the least being resilience, and the determination to see this year through. Work from home has proved to be more gruelling, and yet, in a way, more satisfying as we have added on to our skills. We have learnt to value the small things that mean so much… the bonds of family and friends, the freedom of being able to travel around, the joy of having a meal outside, the significance of holding conversations with loved ones, and above all, the feeling that the virus has been a great equaliser, one that does not distinguish between man and man. We are all equal now, and the only thing that could save us now is to use our heads wisely and follow the rules diligently. Common sense is our saving grace in today’s scenario, but you know what they say:
“Common sense is like deodorant; those who need it the most never use it.”
Now the only hope is that 2021 dawns upon the beleaguered world, casting a gentler mantle over its inhabitants, chasing the belligerent virus away. And as Tiny Tim put it so poignantly in ‘A Christmas Carol’, “God bless us, everyone!”
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