I am letting you go

Advantages, yes certainly, there are many advantages in accumulating a large number of people in your life. You amass lot of data about people other than you, stack up their stories on your shelves and cram them into a social circle once a year to celebrate your age if you see sense in that. You distinguish between the “good allies in a fight” type of people and the people you have trouble remembering names of. With a selective few, you are not far in time, space, degree and circumstance, and some might even be a faithful copy of your self portrait. But as you wind down your day, whose heart do you desire? Who do you wish you had touched before you let go? Who still visits you, if you manage to secure yourself in a dream? Who still values your creativity? Who would paint your walls with warm tones? This intervention does not postulate my consent. I create, re-create, erase and re-establish each piece of the puzzle in and around my world. I can't foster the connection between the pickle I ate and the nightmares I have had. I take heroic measures to save you in my life, hoping you cannot really hear my desperate screams. My detention is politically motivated and I keep from exhaling. This dictates my alternate ego to let you go. It's freeing, gives me a sense of freedom from confinement. I am letting you go. I want my life back, back to the original model where you were not patterned. I want my life back with its original cast and crew. I am not saying that this will be an easy walk around the block with the resonance that always reflected from the pitch in your voice. The soft light that covered us when we touched and the quietness in the midst of the noisy waterfall, they remind me of the reasons I held us together. And yet, I am letting you go. I say this as my vocal chords vibrate and hands lose their stillness. I am letting you go, away from my balanced and pragmatic head, the head that cannot bear the thought of that softness occupy space that you lost right to. I relinquish your grip on my past even though you will always be the last person I loved. But, it's time. It's time to let you go, not with a heavy heart but with a heart that yearns for newness, unaffected by use and exposure.