Monochrome

It feels like a burden was raised from my shoulders today. 

Maybe not raised. There was no lightening of weight. I'm not sure. I can't tell. 

It feels like everything has come to a standstill, stopped mid-sigh. Or maybe I just can't be fazed. I don't know. I can't tell. 

It feels like I've confirmed the existence of Ether in the air. What else could be hindering my movement? Or am I rusting slowly. I don't know. I can't tell. 

I got asked what defeat feels like today. I couldn't remember what anything else feels like either. All I could say was, I don't know. I can't tell. 

I think I need spectacles now. I might be going colour blind. The world wasn't always in monochrome. This is what I remember, know and can tell. 

I wonder if experiencing the cold will remind me of warmth. 

I step in to the cold water. Is it cold? 

I don't know. I can't tell. 

Maybe I need to go deeper. More. Further. Down. 

Ah, now I see a nice colour. Is it green? Nice memories. It's all coming back now. 

Oh, the colour changed. Isn't this blue?  Where'd the green go? But blue isn't bad either. 

I'm sitting on a bed, my mom's in front of me. 

No wait. Why is it going red? I remember this is bad. Red is bad. Mom is shouting. Did I fight with Dad again. Damn it. Why can't I just zip it. 

Oh the sound is back. I wonder if it has anything to do with the bubbles escaping from my mouth to float to the surface.

"Just go away if you can't deal with this. Just leave this house."

The cold is back. I know what happened today. The world is going monochrome again.

Wait. This time. Just Black.