A very powerful vice-president in a company suddenly received an office order: He would no longer look after corporate affairs and finance but manage the library, the canteen, and staff welfare and sit in a cabin located near the two facilities. In accordance with the change in the nature of the job, his staff and office equipment would be suitably reassigned.

Corporate downsizing is fairly common and, unfortunately, unavoidable. The vice-president in the above-mentioned case gracefully accepted the predicament, but managed to bounce back to the original position in two years.

All may not be so lucky. Ordinarily, key personnel are asked to put in their papers immediately after a showdown: The victim, feeling cheated, sad, and angry, is left with little options other than walking out of the office.

Should the corporates be blamed for throwing away resources in a jiffy, or should the employees be held accountable for not seeing the writing on the wall? Is it possible that they were insensitive to the silent treatment being meted out to them?

Silent treatment, or sudden silence, is a favorite recourse of people who, while staying clear of ugly confrontations, wield power, manipulate, and punish their targets. To be fair, some people also become silent because of poor communication skills or a habit of receiving similar treatment from their parents.

Apart from loss of precious livelihood or partnerships in extreme cases, sudden silence is an emotional abuse that leaves the recipients with serious psychic repercussions. Hurt with the unfair and unkind conduct, they can harm themselves or the individual responsible for their misery.

The signs of silent treatment can be picked up easily. Often, the bystanders catch them with even greater ease. Eye-contact is shunned, messages are left unanswered, conversations end abruptly, the victim is ignored while conversations are held normally with others, sympathy is not expressed when due, personal space is not shared any longer, formal language is used, sentences become shorter and to-the-point, etc.

Not only the boss, even colleagues and clients can be scanned for that sort of conduct. If anything is found amiss, remedial measures must be taken immediately to minimize damage.

Silent treatment is not a monopoly of the professional environment; the unfortunate trait can also be a favorite of friends, neighbors, and family members. The impact in all cases is more or less the same: It leaves the sufferer confused and devastated.

I have had considerable experience of receiving silent treatment. There have also been instances when I opted for this strategy while dealing with chosen individuals. Some of the instances are illustrated below:

Once I was deep engrossed in a conversation with my sales team. A page-3 sort of guy was playing difficult while making false promises to gain freebies. (A hint: His Indian company has a French-sounding name!) I had finally put my foot down and refused to grant any more favors till the promises were honored. The guy threatened my team, reasoned with me, warned that he would approach the CII and the media, and finally agreed to release the dues. I was emphasizing that while that man projected himself as a bigwig, he was actually an idiot (I had used the Hindi equivalent of the word). Unfortunately, my newly imposed Punjabi super boss happened to walk that way exactly as I uttered that sentence. Being the father-in-law of a former Miss India and the first runner up in the Miss Universe pageant, he was also a bigwig who knew little about the nitty-gritty of our business. His steely eyes met mine, and I knew that I had signed my death warrant. I left that company after braving humiliation and panic attacks for three months.

We were very close to a neighbor in my childhood. It was common for us to listen to some classic English music on his self-made sound system every other evening. While the music played in the background, he and my father discussed politics, his wife and my mother chatted about recipes, and we children helped ourselves to the refreshments. He took me to the hospital when my father was away on tour, and towed our car with his Cadillac after the flood water receded. Things were going on well for two years, till his mother decided to visit them one day. She was introduced to my parents. Soon, the old lady started spending her afternoons at our place. I was happy because she appreciated my singing and even gave ten rupees as a token of appreciation on one occasion. My mother was happy because she reminded her of her own mother. The daughter-in-law, i.e., the hostess, was happy as she was free of the old woman’s presence for a few hours every day. It was a win-win situation for all. With increased warmth, the lady started spilling the beans about her daughter-in-law: She belonged to the lower strata of society and had to be taught manners and etiquettes for several years after the wedding. Hardly fifteen days would have passed when I found ‘uncle’ responding to my father’s comments in mono-syllables one evening. His wife mostly remained busy inside the home, helping her son with school lessons. His mother came to meet us, but the son politely asked her to tend to something important in the kitchen. We got up after five minutes, and never visited them again. A beautiful relationship was broken.

I was once posted at a rather hostile place. The surroundings were alien to us, we had no acquaintances, there were no public telephones around, and medical services were rudimentary at their best. Coal was extracted day in and day out by blasting rocks, and heavy earth moving equipment ran haphazardly all over the area. We were sweetly surprised when a teacher of my son extended a hand of friendship. If she was ten years younger to me, her parents must have been ten years older than us. They shared our passion for good food and were not averse to cooking their favorite meals at our place. It became embarrassing to say no when they demanded favors including a ride in my car to far-flung areas which we otherwise didn’t desire to visit. It took them less than a year to consider us, and everything that we owned, as their own. Luckily, I was transferred to Delhi within two years of that uncomfortable companionship. The gentleman took my Delhi office number and called me on one of his visits. I instructed the operator to tell him that I was not available. I never conversed with them again.

A dear friend, who helped me sail through a prolonged period of crisis, has suddenly become so silent that even my birthday wishes are not being acknowledged. Some close relatives have also gone on silent mode.

What should you do when a silent treatment situation arises? My suggestions are, don’t preparate it. Of course, you will be perplexed to find silence filling in a place of usual conversation. Rather than sulking about it, find the cause and mend the relationship, especially if the other side happens to be a client, your superior, or your love interest.

What if you fail find a cause?

Well, then read the signs and find a respectable alternate before it is too late.

Remember, all relationships are dynamic in nature. People are viewed differently at different points of time. Loss of vested interest, disappearance of common ground, shift in stature, peer pressure, jealousy, fear of loss of prestige, malicious talk by an influencer, a misunderstanding—the reason behind sudden silence can be many. Give time to either parties to repair and reboot. If that happens, fine. If not, let it go. There is no point in carrying the baggage of a dead relationship.

Some relations are temporary by nature. Some become temporary due to the withdrawal of one or both sides. Accept it and move on!