Where To?

The years rushed past
Leaving behind experiences and lessons
To such an extent
That helped me live life to the fullest
Filling memorable moments and joyful events.

Not a straight smooth trajectory though,
But was not a big deal to handle
Afterall having made up to this day
It was quite a journey of lessons, of tasks and of struggles.

The so-called true callings were so strong
That changed from phase to phase
To what I clung so firm
To give and have the best of everything.

Juggling roles midst responsibilities
Perfection, competition, goals, achievements
My heart yearned for every bit
Days was exciting, and I was very much alive.

But unwarned life was slipping
Steep slope towards a darkness
Was it or not, I was not so sure about initially
It was indeed I figure out.

When, how and what I could not unravel
Maybe the phase of life, the perimenopause
Or Maybe being an empty nester
I was not convinced, and I strongly felt.

Whatever is the cause it is horrifying
The last flicker of light, the hope to hope too vanished
Ascending me deep into a terrifying darkness
I am frightened to the core being alone for long.

Where has the fighter in me gone
Where is the optimist, that smart soul
Who had the guts to fight the oddest of odds
Who believed that everything that happened.

Had a divine cause, I wonder
My shadow too is failing to stand by my side
Darkness is everywhere, wherever I see
In my heart, in my soul, deep inside of me.

My cries too stopped echoing
In the pitch dark, all I see crystal clear
Hard-hitting reality staring me in the face
Questioning me who I am.

Silence have I gone in search of the answer
What and Where is this leading to?
I have no clue.