A Brush with Spirituality

It started with a tingling in my fingertips; I could feel my heartbeat through my hands, the sensation slowly moved up in an all-encompassing manner. Soon, it had me swaying. Sitting among a group of people practicing songs for a performance at Navratri, I didn’t want to look like some hocus pocus woman swaying uncontrollably to the bhajans. My thoughts continued to race. I was now swaying noticeably, moving forward and back. Well, that can still be disguised as me trying to learn the new words in Sanskrit by rote, I justified in my own head. As if that wasn’t enough, the swaying then started left to right. Okay, so this can pass off as me enjoying the melody! My swaying was gradually developing a mind of its own—it went forward and sideways at its own will. I slowly found myself letting go of the controls of my body and mind, and let the swaying take over me completely. Like a flame, I moved, flickering in all its glory. The eyes now seemed set deep within my sockets and it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep them open.

On an earlier occasion, I was requested to write my experience with spirituality. I wrote an extensive article that looked quite impressive. Though it didn't seem to flow from my heart. It was like I had regurgitated all that I had swallowed over the years. After all, these references to bliss and the ultimate truth were mere metaphors. And if any mantra chanting does help, it would probably work in the snow-clad lap of the Himalayas on a semi-nude person braving the extremities. Esoteric things have to happen in special places to special people. Not here in some nook of a house in the concrete jungles of Delhi.

All this swaying and tingling was happening whilst the group of about half a dozen-odd people continued to learn the finer nuances of the Sanskrit verse of a bhajan from Gurujee, the music teacher. He pointedly asked me something which I couldn’t get myself to reply to. I heard the student in front snicker and say, ‘She’s sleeping.' Then Gurujee asked something. I don’t quite remember what but that I had to reply to it. What happened outside after that I have no idea. Rather, I will try and recount the feelings I experienced on the inside.

That evening of early September, sitting in a stranger’s house trying to learn bhajans in the presence of a spiritual master I found myself feeling like I have never felt like before. I could feel myself at least 6 inches beyond the physical boundaries of my body. I felt my aura—a heightened sensation, especially on top of the head and around the crown. I felt my aura being caressed. That’s the best way I can think of describing it now. I could feel (and not see, for by now my eyes were completely shut) light around. Yes, that’s when I felt the spiritual master standing by my side. I don’t remember when he got up and came by my side or how much time had elapsed in this entire process. I just had this feeling of utter surrender and a feeling of unbound calmness that comes with it. The feeling can be best described like, how a child must feel in its mother’s womb. A heady feeling which one would normally get experimenting with substance. Or that feeling at the moment of orgasm. A feeling of ecstasy and security, both at the same time.

 It lasted for a split second or a maybe a few minutes, I seemed to have lost track of time. I seemed to have experienced the power of mantras first hand. I seem to have somehow gone into a trance sitting there on that monsoon day in a flat in RK Puram.