It was one of those moments. A moment in which your past, your present and your future make no difference anymore, time holds no meaning anymore. A moment in which you live a thousand lifetimes, even as it swiftly passes you by, in a flash, lingering only for a brief second. A time that you cannot compare to any other instance, any other period, since it has no equal. An anomaly that leaves you hollow, warm, contemplating. It validates your entire existence, all those hours spent laboring over building a future for yourself, discovering your talents, rejoicing in your successes and enduring your failures, everything that led you here is suddenly explained. And then it makes your entire existence seem futile. It signifies an end of your pointless pursuits, and offers you a new beginning. It is the beginning. A beginning that brings an anticipation of things to come, some apprehension about where they might lead you, a fear of losing something you’ve never had but knew could turn your world upside down and open doors to a new world, a thousand new worlds, just for you.
It was one of those moments.
My assailant, my savior, my conqueror, my muse, needed no name. Others may have called her by one, tried to capture her divine presence by one, but to me, that identity was pointless. I had no need to identify her with a name, I knew her as soon as my eyes met with hers. We didn’t need an introduction, we didn’t need names. She was and will forever remain known to me. She is a part of me that exists outside of me. Her eyes held a million secrets and hid them all. Her eyes made a million promises and fulfilled them all. I had always known her and I didn’t know her at all.
We had only shared a fleeting moment.
The second movement
There was not a single flaw in her. Everything was perfect, even her complete and total indifference. The flaw that made her flawless. She was not here to please me. She was not here to punish me. She was not here to own me or to be mine. She was here, just so I could be here. So that I could breathe for the first time, be alive for the first time. I could run while standing still, I could sense a rush, a thrill. I could sing while keeping mute, I could begin my life, in her pursuit. And in spite of many other poetic reasons for her arrival, I knew that she was not here for me but had come only to perform her duty. There were official reasons for her appearance that day, even though the reasons for her immediate admittance to my heart elude me to this day.
I knew she was only here to investigate me.
I saw her before I saw the rest of them, and then, I only saw her. There was no one else. She captivated me, engaged me, and disarmed me even before I had a chance at resistance. It wasn’t just her mesmerizing eyes, although I was non compos mentis the moment I sensed their presence on me. It was everything about her. She moved like a graceful gazelle while having the self-assurance of a lioness on the prowl. She spoke in a soft whisper while having a demeanor that would instill fear in the hardest of men. She didn’t smile but her unsmiling frown made my heart flutter more than any smile ever could. She wasn’t as pretty as a movie star but she was as beautiful as a woman can be.
Her colleague was leading the investigation. He asked me to bring my tax return documents, expenditure receipts and other worthless pieces of paper. I wasn’t paying much attention, but was still hopping about, following his monotone. She was moving more elegantly than I was, first through my filing cabinet, then the table in my study and finally through the closets in my boudoir. We were far away from one another, yet moving as one. I wanted to get close to her, to be intoxicated by her, but she kept moving away from me, only occasionally coming tantalizingly close, pleasing my senses, inciting an unquenchable thirst.
Her lips were parched and my glass was completely empty.
We found ourselves in the kitchen at the same time. We both approached the water cooler and grazed one another’s hand while reaching for that holiest elixir known to man. I felt the slightest touch of her fingers on mine. A touch that was gentle, a touch that was electrifying. A million unspoken feelings stirred in my soul. I felt complete, I felt whole. My prayers had been answered. She was right in front of me. Her fragrance was bewildering. Her graceful beauty, an answer to my every pious plea. The contours of her physique, held me spellbound. Experiencing the joys of Elysium, I was standing on holy ground. I had found my inamorata, she was celestial, she was a goddess. We had both been far away, swaying together, only enjoying a moment of bliss. Now that we were closer, I learnt, astounded. She was magnificent, ravishing, exquisite, nonpareil, and only she could fuel my dreams abound.
We approached the water cooler together again, in sync.
Our hands touched. She apologized immediately for bestowing upon me the most magnificent gift I had ever received. I apologized too, but only because I could think of no other words that were beautiful enough for her. She withdrew her hand and offered to let me drink first. I offered her the same and withdrew from the water cooler. She moved closer to fill her cup. I wanted to grab her, hold on to her till the end of time. She started drinking her water. I wanted to stand by her, watch her for an eternity. She thanked me when she was done. I wanted to fall to my knees and worship her, till she felt no need for gratitude. She smiled an enigmatic smile and walked away. I wanted to stop her. To keep her close. To never let her leave.
And then, she left, forever.
I was arrested at the conclusion of the investigation, my hands were bound. Judged guilty by those who occupy a higher moral ground. Incarceration was certain, a part of my fate. But it could never break me or so I thought then, but not of late. Now every day that passes, feels many decades long. Every second that arrives, brings a fear of never finding her, I feel weak, not strong. A hundred desires emerge, a thousand questions arise. I wait in her anticipation, my tormentor, my prize. If only I get through this, maybe we can be together? Will I ever see her again, when I am free of my tether?
Excerpts from The New York Times article concerning the incident:
Sir William Alexander Reed, a naturalized US citizen, was investigated by the Federal Bureau of Investigation for securities fraud, money laundering and his role in managing the financial accounts of the Brazzini crime family, in August, 2011. He was found guilty on only one count of “investment adviser fraud”. He has since been serving a five year sentence, at a state penitentiary, that concludes next Monday. On his release, Mr. Reed will be allowed access to his assets and his penthouse on the upper east side which had been sealed after the investigation in 2011. However, crime investigation officials are still trying to uncover his other crimes and will keep a close watch on him and his post release activities.
The highly confidential documents and illegal transaction receipts that led to Mr. Reed’s first arrest and eventual conviction were found by chance, in a water tight bag placed within a compartment of his water cooler, during a search operation conducted at the defendant’s home, by agent Anita Calvert Cerquetti.
Ms. Cerquetti has refused to comment on the investigation and Mr. Reed’s imminent release….