~~Tring tring tring. . .a loud ring, jostled me up from the fairyland that I was in. A bright room with sun-kissed flowers kept in the vase beside me, soft pink teddies all around and two angelic looking people were peering at me, and just when I was about to reach out to them my dream got severed with this unpleasant noise and I woke up.
It was a long ring, which was finally silenced by my Mom’s soft voice saying ‘Hello, Yes. Who is this?’ I always loved hearing this mellifluous voice. It soothed me down whenever I felt anxious, encouraged me to do the right things at the right time, built confidence in me and most importantly it always made me happy. But this time, something was different. Mom just uttered the word ‘What?’ and her voice suddenly broke down into loud sobs, something that my auditory nerves were not used to. Within a split second she was accelerating the car a long way till she reached her destination. She almost jumped out of the car and darted till she was met with another mellowed voice, almost like my Mom’s, which said, “Please calm down. We will do our best for your husband. The accident has caused multiple fractures, but the good thing is there is no internal hemorrhage.”
Daddy was in trouble, I sensed. And that was the reason why my Mom appeared so shaken and crestfallen. Earlier she used to be so particular about my diet, knowing the fastidious nature that I was of, but nowadays she didn’t seem to bother about anything, not even my food. I had to do good with any kind of food and in small morsels, which left me craving for more. She used to be by my Daddy’s bedside for long hours, not bothered about anything else in the world. She was surrounded with a clutter of voices always. Some saying, “Don’t worry about office now, we will manage,” others saying “Please do not neglect your health”, but the voice that she yearned to hear was that mellowed voice, which regularly updated her about Daddy’s health. Like Mom, I too liked to hear that voice which sounded so warm and compassionate. Like Mom, I too was hoping that Daddy gets well soon and he holds me, smiles into my eyes and hugs me tight. And lo and behold! One day both Mom and my prayers were answered. The mellowed voice informed Mom that Daddy could be taken back home.
And then my happy days were back again! I again used to feel Mom the way I loved to feel her, so exuberant yet composed and so loving. She was back to being particular about my diet and I got to enjoy the kinds of food I liked. It was such a heavenly feeling. I enjoyed the comforting and conducive ambience around me and used to be in my dreamland often.
I was visualising the bright room, sun-kissed flowers on the vase next to my bed, soft pink teddies all around and just when I was about to see the angelic faces peering at me, I felt a sudden tug. I thought maybe I was being pulled into the arms of the angelic faces. I looked up, expecting to finally see those angelic faces of my Mommy and Daddy, but could not see anything. Instead it was all dark and the tug just got harder. It was as if someone was exhorting me to come out of my dreamland and shoving me into a hellish nightmare. I was suddenly feeling asphyxiated. I wanted to reach out to Mommy, just cling on to her. I felt if I once heard her mellifluous voice now, I would feel better. She would somehow set everything right and bring me out of this nightmare to my sweet fairyland again or right into her arms. But that was not to be, I felt breathless and then suddenly I saw a flash of bright light I hadn’t seen ever and then all was dark again. This was not how I had expected my birth to be. I had no Daddy’s hands wrapped around me, no Mommy’s soft touch caressing me; rather I landed with a thud in a dungeon with things looking similar to me, surrounding me. They introduced me to myself. I was a female fetus, like them!
I was still not big enough to be a baby, but given some more time in my fairyland I could have turned into a fairy filling my parents’ arms and hearts with joy. Alas! That was just my thought, for my parents thought to the contrary. “All of us had dreams similar to you, which were shattered and we landed inside this dustbin,” chorused the other female fetuses around me. Either a stroke of red pen on the ultrasound report, or an offering of mixture after an ultrasound report and at times chanting ‘Jai Mata Di’ after an ultrasound report were enough indications to seal our fate. I did not know what happened in my case. I could not believe my Mommy could not help me. Even while I was feeling asphyxiated I felt one word from her could have helped me. I wonder at times did Mommy and Daddy not feel attached to me. When I had already started dreaming about them, were they not dreaming about me too?
So what if I was a female fetus. I could have turned out to be someone like my Mom, so composed and exuberant or I could have turned out to be like that mellow- voiced lady doctor, who gave a new life to my Daddy after the accident. I too prayed when Daddy met with an accident. I wanted him to recover fast and hold me in his hands and see the twinkle in my eyes. Why did they not give me some time to see this world, to see their angelic faces? The very faces I kept dreaming about always. From a fetus I wanted to grow into a baby, play in their arms, hold their hands and see the world and then carve a niche for myself in the world and bring a smile on the those angelic faces that I always dreamt of. But all that was not to happen and the wings of fantasy were clipped preterm and I landed in this dungeon instead of my parents’ arms. Hope the next time on, I don’t dream at all.