All of us live with our past. All of us allow it to shape our future. But some of us know how to shrug the past. I think that is who I am.....It is not that I have forgotten my past completely, but over the time I have buried it into the deepest corner of my heart and brain.

Today, suddenly it has come back to haunt me, but I refuse to be cowed down by it. On second thoughts, I wish to share it with people and show it that it cannot dominate over my persona again. There are millions of people who have a past, which haunts them to their graves, but I do not want to be like them.

It was not always like that when I was a child. My childhood was a smooth one, with no ups and downs, or no sharp bends. I was a motherless child, and my dad showered me with all the love he could. I went to the best school, and had the best clothes to wear, the best toys to play with and it was as if I was a princess of some kingdom.

All my wishes were like commands for my dad. Everything changed suddenly, on my thirteenth birthday. We were having a big party, where all our relatives and friends were invited. We were all enjoying ourselves to the fullest. I excused myself to visit the washroom.

The washroom on the ground floor of our apartment was engaged, so I went to the one on the first floor, which was in my dad’s room. When I reached the bedroom, I heard some voices coming from the room. The room was closed, but the volume was loud enough for me to make out that there was a verbal duel going on.

It was a real surprise for me, as I had never seen a fight in my house in my entire thirteen years. I could make out one voice, which was my father, but could not make out the other voices. They were arguing about some property, it seemed. My father was in the construction business, so property talks were common, but fights over property were never a part of his routine.

However much I had seen him since I started to know him, I had found him to be a straightforward, no nonsense, ethical businessman. He had never compromised with his ethics to earn money. I tried to look through the keyhole as I did not want to make my presence felt.

The other people were not known to me. I just heard that they were threatening my dad with dire consequences, if he did not give in to their demands. I did not know about their demands, but they might have been something unacceptable, as my dad did not want to relent to their demands.

I was eavesdropping, when the door suddenly opened and a heavily built man, with a snobbish look on his face, with a couple of scars on his face, giving him a devilish look, came out of the room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw me. My dad was also shocked to see me at the door.

He quickly came out and patted my head, and told me to get back to the party. I could make out the tension on his face, and the mixed emotions he had on seeing me at the doorstep. He masked all his emotions in a flash, and gave me a warm smile, and asked me to return to the party scene.

I obliged, but with a tensed mind. I slowly retraced my steps to the ground floor and joined in the revelry. For some time I forgot what I had seen, as I got lost in the birthday bash, amongst friends and cousins. After about half an hour, I saw my dad joining the party.

I gave him a questioning look, but he dismissed my query with the flick of his hand and signaled me to keep quiet. I did not bother him then, and continued with the party. Soon the party was over, and everybody had left.

When everybody had gone, dad called me towards him and gave me a basket, and asked me to open it. When I opened the basket, I was excited to see a baby Labrador in the box. I had always wanted a pet dog, and now I had one. I was really excited for the gift.

I was tired so I went to my room to sleep. I was so tired, that I did not bother to go near the other gifts that I had received. I kept them aside for the next morning. I was sleeping soundly, when I heard a noise in my room. I saw a shadow in my room, and as I was about to shout, a hand came from behind me with a handkerchief, towards my nose, and the next moment I was totally blacked out.

When I came to my senses, I was feeling dizzy, and even though I opened my eyes, it was dark everywhere. The first thing that I wanted to do was to shout for help, but my mouth was gagged. It slowly dawned onto me that I had been kidnapped. My world had suddenly turned upside down.

I did not know for how long I had been blacked out. The place where I found myself smelt really bad. I could not make out the smell but it was really unbearable. Nobody was in the small room, apart from me. My hands and feet were tied and my mouth was gagged. I was in my night dress and still feeling dizzy.

I passed out once again, and woke up when someone splashed a can full of water on me. I was all wet and totally in a disheveled state. I heard someone talking over the phone. He was probably the same person, I had seen at my house on my birthday. I could make out from his physical built but I could not be so sure.

I heard him saying that they had got me and now they could demand anything from my dad. I did not even know whether my dad had realized that I had gone missing, or whether these guys had called him up or not. I was worried for my dad who really loved me a lot. I felt like crying but tears refused to come out.

I could make out that there were two people in the room, and all of them were heavily built, and smelt of alcohol. I wanted to be with my family, at that very moment, but I was in captivity and fear overcame me, when I heard that they could kill me if dad did not resent.

I did not want to be the weak link in dad’s life, but here I was, kidnapped and helpless. I had heard of people getting kidnapped, but I had never thought that I would be the victim someday. I was slowly getting drained again, and feeling sleepy. The chloroform was still lurking in my system, and playing tricks with me.

I again passed out, and when I woke up, hunger was getting the better of me. I did not know. If they would feed me, and whether I would eat what they gave me. When I woke up, there were only 1 person in the room. The main guy had left the room. The guy in the room had blood shot eyes, and reeked of alcohol, and was constantly looking at me at regular intervals.

His looks made me a little queasy. It seemed that he was checking me out. Their expressions were horrible. I started feeling scared. For a girl of thirteen, I had a well-developed body, which gave me the looks of a girl of fifteen or sixteen. I had heard of child abuse, and we were taught in school about proper and improper touch and stares, so I could feel that the two guys had evil plans.

I was helpless, and I just wanted someone to rescue me from this hell. The main person came and barked out some orders to the creep, and he stood up and left to run some errands for his boss. I let out a sigh of relief, but the relief was a short lived one.

The main person received a call sometime after his henchman had left, and he was really livid on hearing what the caller had to say. He barked out the choicest expletives, and hung up the phone. His back was towards me, so I could not see the expressions on his face but could make out that he was fuming.

He started pacing up and down the room like a man eating tiger in a cage. I feared for the worst, but kept on saying a silent prayer, waiting for a miracle to happen. Did miracles ever happen? I felt like a goldfish surrounded by hungry sharks, and anything could happen to me. The burly fellow came to me with a menacing look and landed a tight slap on my left cheek with his burly, swinging right hand.

Tears started dripping down my face, and blood started flowing through the cut that was caused on my upper lip due to the impact of the slap. My hands and feet were tied, so I could not even press my lip with my fingers to stop the bleeding. It was good that he just stopped after a single hit, but I did not know till when he would control his rage.

When the henchman returned back to the hideout, the main guy gave him a brief about the phone call he had received. This guy had come back with some food and alcohol. They put a plate in front of me with some dry bread and partly cooked vegetables. One of them sat near me and force fed me the pathetic meal.

I felt like throwing up, but hunger got the better of me, and I ate whatever was on offer. After having completed the feeding ritual, he forced a glass of smelly water down my throat. After that he joined his partner for an alcohol binge. As they took big swigs from their bottle, and munched on their chicken, I could see them watch something on their phone.

After they were done with their dinner, they cleaned up the area and lied down besides each other, with their eyes glued to the screen of their mobile phone. Suddenly, one of them got up and started to move towards me. I got really scared. He came and sat beside me. He put his hand on my leg. As soon as his hand touched me, I crouched backwards.

I opened my mouth to shout but he shut my mouth with his hand, and soon gagged me. My pulse shot up, and I just wanted to run away. He started caressing my legs, slowly and suddenly with a jerk pushed down my pajamas till where my legs were tied. I started crying, and pleading to him with my teary eyes and muffled sound.

The other guy soon joined him and started shooting with the camera on his phone. I felt the whole world come crashing on me. Soon he tore away my t shirt and there I lay at his mercy. His hand was all over my chest and thighs. I could do nothing. I lay naked in front of two beasts ready to tear every ounce of flesh from my body.

I could not bear seeing them so I shut my eyes tight and waited for my ordeal to end. I felt his alcoholic breath on my face as he tried to kiss me on my face. I tried hard to avert him. He slapped me and told me to keep my eyes open or else he would kill me. I forced myself to keep my eyes open.

Soon he started unzipping his pants and I knew the worst was coming. He totally undressed himself, while the other guy was busy enjoying, shooting the video. He was preparing to launch himself on me, when suddenly the door broke open and a squad of gun wielding policemen entered the room and buckled them down.

Along with the policemen, I saw my dad and he was in tears, tears of joy on seeing me. One of the lady policewoman got a shawl and helped in covering my modesty. As soon as she removed my gag, I let out a big shriek. I felt that my entire life had come to a standstill.

That shriek was probably the last sound that came from my mouth for a really long time. After I was taken home, I slipped into a comatose like situation. The ordeal had taken a toll, both on my body and mind. I stopped eating, and used to stare blankly at the wall in front of me.

To keep me from starving, I was injected with IV drips and medicines were injected into my body through the IV drip. A psychiatrist was hired for counselling sessions to get me out of shock. She used to talk endlessly and I could hear her, but could not utter a word in response.

My dad was by my side all the time, and I am really proud to have him by my side. Gradually after a period of about 8 months I showed some improvement, and at the end of 9 months I spoke my first word. At the end of 12 months, I was out of my trauma, and ready for a new beginning.

I relived my trauma when I heard of the brutal Nirbhaya rape case, and for a moment I felt like I was slipping back into those torrential times. However, I pinched myself to the present times, and joined the protestors in their vigil of demanding justice for Nirbhaya.

In this society dominated by such criminals, I hope that Nirbhaya will be the last victim to the lust of such vicious animals, but I know it will not be so. I shared my brutal past with you guys, to prove to myself that whatever happened to me was my past, and I have a future ahead of me, which is totally welcoming. I hope that atrocities on women end and the law becomes such that no criminal would dare to set his eyes on any female. Let the women of the world live their lives safely.