In Search of Affection

This story has not been moderated or edited by the Readomania Team.   

    It was a hot sunny day. Garima has been waiting for the bus for almost an hour. She has got used to the heat now; it has been a part of her life for a long time. She is also getting used to the new job. There is nothing much to do than just sorting oranges, either for juice or for retail sale. Though the job is monotonous, yet she is satisfied that now she is actually doing a job and getting paid for it. Soon the bus arrived and she got into it. She has been taking the 3.30 pm bus daily while returning from work as the bus conductor kept a seat secured for her. However, today she had to stand as seats would be vacant only at the next stop. She acknowledged the gestured apology of the bus conductor with a smile. While scanning for prospective seats, her eyes fell on a newly married couple sitting at the back. They were so engrossed in talk that it appeared as if, for them, the world didn’t exist.  She too had such glorious days.

       Garima was brimming with youth when Arun saw her for the first time in the village fair. She was tall and slender. She had the fairest of complexion and her hair was naturally made into curls. She was one of the most sought after bride of the village and yet she never had the slightest of pride regarding it. Arun was so mesmerized by her beauty that the very next day he sent his parents to her house and a year later a grand wedding ceremony marked her inception into the nuptial journey. Arun, an army officer by profession, was posted at the Himachal border and he had to resume his duty within a month of their marriage leaving her under the care of his parents. However, it was the most cherished month of Garima’s life. She did everything she ever dreamt of doing as a new bride. Her honeymoon in Goa, never ending shopping sprees, eating golgappas after movie, making love at the terrace- all these were etched in her heart as they were etched in her diary. She bought the thickest diary she found in order to record every good thing that happened to her and a good amount of pages were already filled within a month. A lot more was to follow once Arun returned to her.

     One chilly morning, Garima woke up to the ring of the telephone. It was Arun informing her that he would reach in an hour. She came to know about his homecoming a few days ago when an elated Arun informed her of the approval of his leave. She did every arrangement to make his first homecoming after marriage memorable. She even decorated their bedroom with flowers and balloons just to make him feel special. Anticipating that the time of his arrival was near, she went out to receive him and waited near the gate. Her eyes were staring at the other end of the road when the bus halted and as it left, she saw Arun. His face was gleaming with joy when he was crossing the road waving to her but the very next moment he was tossed up like a ball by a speeding truck. Before she could apprehend, the dead body of Arun lay in a puddle of blood leaving her abandoned.

    After Arun’s death, Garima was devastated and she wanted to commit suicide. Soon her parents in law started to show their true colours. They blamed her fate for their son’s death and kept on pressing her to go back to her father’s house. She was so depressed at being meted out with such treatment that one day she drank a complete glass of whiskey from an unfinished bottle that she found in her late husband’s bag. That relieved some of her pain and it was not before long that she started drinking daily to relieve her of the mental agony. Nevertheless the mental torment by her parents in law was so aggravated that one day she left their home taking everything she brought in dowry with her. However, rather than going to her father’s home, she hired an apartment in the city so that no one recognized her and she could start her life in a new phase. The pension she got from her husband’s job was enough for her to live a decent life. But her drinking didn’t stop until one day, she found out that she was pregnant and during checkup, she came to know that her fetus might have been affected by her drinking. It might not be a normal baby. The doctor suggested that she abort the baby but Garima didn’t want to kill the only living fragment of her husband and she decided to ordain her life to love and provide every special care her child might need. After nine months, she gave birth to an underdeveloped baby and doctors diagnosed it to be a disability disorder.

     Prabal was a special child and he needed special care. Garima took him to the hospital almost every month on a routine basis to keep a check on his health. She even started saving some money for emergency and by Prabal’s fifth birthday, she had amassed a considerable amount. She had also fixed the money she received as death benefit from Arun’s insurance policy and it gave a decent return as interest.

     The only worry she had was the care of Prabal. He needed help in every step of his existence- while sleeping, eating, drinking, walking, socializing and even defecating. He also needed the special love and understanding demanded by such special souls. She was worried that if something happened to her, who would take care of Prabal? She even considered getting married again just for his sake but she was not sure if that would serve the purpose. Someone who might love her may not have the same affection for her child. She needed to ascertain a person’s real feeling for her child before getting into any kind of relationship with anyone. She even considered going back to her parent’s home but refrained as in villages special children like Prabal are considered as cursed or ominous. There have been instances in her village before when families bearing such children were expatriated from the village.  It would further deteriorate his condition. She heard that there were special schools for children like Prabal but different views by different people confused her and staying away from him was never on the cards.

    But when Prabal turned six, his doctor advised Garima to admit him in a school so that he learnt socializing and values of the society by interacting with others. The attendant of the doctor, Subodh suggested the names of a few schools where children with special ability were admitted. He even offered to accompany her and gave his phone number in case she wanted him to do so. Though he looked decent, Garima decided not take his help as she thought she was capable enough to take care of all necessary requirements. However, the next day she found herself calling him to accompany her and Prabal to the special school nearby. She wanted to see whether he would be a good option or not for taking care of Prabal and if satisfied, she thought of offering him more salary than the doctor.

   Subodh arrived on time and soon they were sitting in front of the headmistress of the school. The headmistress knew Subodh previously and when she asked about Garima, he promptly replied, “she is my sister”.

   Subodh was a young man in his early twenties and about ten years younger to Garima. He was educated but not enough to have a qualified job. His father was a driver in some government office and mother was a homemaker. His two sisters Nimmi and Summi were doing their certificate courses to be nurses. When Garima offered him job, he modestly denied and said, “I call you Didi. How can I take money from my sister? Prabal is like my nephew. I will be available whenever you need me”.

     At first Garima doubted Subodh’s intensions but after some visits when she couldn’t find any aspect of suspicion, she started to be friendly to him. Moreover, she saw genuine concern in his eyes for Prabal which she was longing to see and the day she saw him cleaning Prabal’s excretion, she was touched. Prabal also adored his companionship and he seemed to be happy when Subodh was around. Once he asked Subodh himself to help him in his studies and invited him for evening strolls. Garima saw a substantial improvement in Prabal’s condition as he preferred to walk than to use the wheelchair whenever they all went out together and Subodh’s effort in improving his motors was inspiring enough for Prabal to try. He even wanted to go to school without the wheelchair.  Garima was contented to have met Subodh and was thrilled to see her son’s bonding with him. Soon he became a kind of family member.

    She too became a warm member of Subodh’s family. His mother treated her as his elder sister and his two sisters were also affectionate to her as well as Prabal. She had been present as a member in every function of the family and the warm compassionate treatment they gave to Prabal was heart-rending. Garima was a happy soul because she got the love and affection she was searching since her marriage, from a family she met just a year back. She was satisfied that finally she had found someone who would take care of Prabal in her absence.

   However, a call from Subodh’s mother soon made Garima encounter with actuality. She informed her that they were going to their ancestral village to be introduced to a girl and her family and fix her marriage with Subodh. She wanted Garima and Prabal to accompany them. Though it was good news but she was not amused and she denied stating the difficulty they would endure with Prabal in such a long journey. She knew that someday it would happen but the confrontation with the reality was so sudden that she had difficulty accepting it. It was not that she had any special feeling for him but she knew that his love for Prabal would dwindle once Subodh gets married. The mere thought of him getting alienated from Prabal scared her.

   Garima had been a kind, refined and authentic person all her life but for the sake of her child and his well-being, she thought of plotting an evil plan. She knew that mere severing the marriage would not serve the purpose as he would definitely get married someday. She wanted to devise such a strategy that even after getting married, he would come back to meet them but couldn’t think of any.

    When Subodh called Garima to inform about his match for marriage, she invited him for dinner to celebrate the occasion. After dinner, she casually asked him to stay back so that Prabal enjoyed his company as after marriage his wife won’t allow him to do so.He agreed and accordingly she arranged his bed at the living room and told him to call her if he needed anything.

    She woke up to the feeling of someone’s hand exploring her body. She knew it was Subodh and she didn’t resist his move as she thought that it could be that strategy she was searching for. But she was shocked when she heard a whisper on her ear, “I have been waiting so long for this day.”  Her hands were trembling as he eased into her. She has not been touched by another man since Arun left and she should have enjoyed the lovemaking but there she was despising herself for the act as even after coming to know of his true intention, she didn’t stop him. A tear rolled down her cheek as Subodh solaced on her. That night she took out her diary and wrote a few lines:

“Dear Arun

  I am sorry. It is only for our child. I will be yours forever.

                                                                  Garima.”

      She kept a cordial relation with Subodh’s family and occasional physical involvement as sought by Subodh was carried on just for the sake of her child. She thought that to have a good future of her child, she was paying the price.

   But on a fated day, she was found in a compromising position with Subodh by his family. They doubted their involvement as of late he had started to spend the night at her home. She was slut shamed in front of others by the whole family and there he was standing behind his mother without a word. They blamed Garima for polluting a young mind and fulfilling her desires by misleading him. Garima knew what she did was wrong in the eyes of the society but she was not the only one involved. In fact, the whole act was started by him yet no one was there to listen to her. She wanted to put forward her side of argument, her compulsion, her necessities but to whom- who would understand her plight. She had lost her battle to the adversities the life brings with it.

    That very night she left the city with her bare necessities and her special child Prabal. She took a bus to Himachal – the place which would give her the warmth of Arun as it was the last posting of Arun before he died. She believed that she would find the lost traces of him and earn back her dignity in his eyes. It is hard to survive single but it is harder for a woman. A man only struggles with life but a woman struggles with life, society and lecherous man.

     Now she lived in Himachal and worked for a juice company. The pay was less but she kept busy while Prabal went to a special school at the city centre. She has aged a bit and her anxiety had been growing every day. Her search for someone to take care of Prabal was still on.