She was looking at the stars. She was lying down and just staring above. She saw stars. Maybe she was drunk, I thought, because she saw stars in the day. In her room. On the ceiling. No, there were no glow-in-the-dark plastic stars on her ceiling. She was never into such stuff. But, she was really seeing stars. She could tell that, she never lied to me at least!
She was a strong girl. She never looked up to anyone for anything. She believed in herself but she had no faith in love. There was this one time, few years ago, she tried to fool me. She thought she was good at it. Lying I mean. She had fallen for someone. She was in love, but then, she thought how could she be in love when all she does is advice everyone else to stay away from this parasite. So, she tried lying to me, told me that it isn’t love. That it doesn’t mean anything to her. He doesn’t mean anything to her. But then, after sometime, she herself confessed it to me. Told you, she never lied to me. But, she wasn’t a strong girl anymore.
You know with time everything changes, people change, and feelings change, so did he. And then she did too. After all, surviving each day with me being a pain wasn’t easy. It took a long time for her to be normal again. But she was not herself anymore. I never saw her like that again. But she was normal in some way. She started with her life once again, always smiling and cheerful, just the way everyone liked her. But I know there was sadness and silent cries behind the smile, behind every silly talk. I could tell. Yeah, you’re right, she never lied to me.
She told me that she would never love anyone again. I tried my best to make her believe that it wasn’t love that was at fault but he wasn’t just the right one. So she shouldn’t give up on love. She was very stubborn and you know, it was really hard for me but then I finally convinced her. I asked her to give a chance to the person who makes her happy. For I always believed that a guy who loves you would make efforts for your happiness, no matter what. Oh boy, I made a mistake again. I couldn’t accept it at first but when I saw her suffering each day, I realized I was wrong. Love is not always about keeping you happy. Initially he said he loved her and he was even taking care of her happiness. But it was only later when I realized he didn’t love her. I was sorry for her and I stopped giving her my expert-advises anymore. What surprised me was, this time she was consoling me, she told me that maybe he wasn’t the right one. The right one is still out there somewhere. And she meant it. I may sound bragging about this thing now, but yeah, she never lied to me.
It’s been years, and she has really grown up since that first relationship. She still acts like a kid sometimes when it comes to me. But it’s fine. You should never lose the kid in yourself no matter how mature you become. This is what her teacher once said. And I believe it too. So I let her be a kid sometimes. You’d be thinking if she ever fell for another guy or I convinced her to give a chance to someone, right? I tried now-n-then, introducing her to guys, hot guys I should say, but nothing affected her. Or she wasn’t letting anything affect her. She went on dates, she spent time with them, she used to laugh on their silly jokes but then she didn’t fall for anyone. She always told me that none of them were right for her. And I guess she was right. Oh, but there is this one guy worth mentioning though. He is just the guy every girl desires to be with. Okay fine, I agree, not exactly every girl, but most of the girls. Tall, dark and handsome rich brat. He is the monk who will never sell his Ferrari. Way too out of her league. But somehow he showed interest in her. She had a crush on him but never thought he would even talk to her. After her first date with him, I was too excited to know what she felt. Looking at my excitement, she immediately asked me to shush for even he wasn’t the right one! She couldn’t feel the connection. It was only later, when even I came to know what a jerk he was! Thank God, I didn’t lose her to him.
I had totally given up fixing her with the hotshots. I never talked to her about it. Or it was the other way round I guess. She always avoided the topic. But, a few months back, something strange happened. ‘He’ happened to her. That very night, when they talked for the first time, I saw that ‘spark’ building up. But I chose to stay quiet. This time even she was avoiding. She wanted to talk to me about him but she wasn’t sure if she should. I could sense it. She knew if she would talk to me, I would talk her into falling for him. He was no fairytale prince but he was something, someone who was real. Like I had guessed, he confessed his feelings for her. I was happy for her because this time I was really sure she found the right guy. I was sure, more than her!
But I didn’t say anything to her. I wanted her to be sure of this. One night, they had this huge fight and finally she decided to talk to me about him. I was playing with her this one time by holding him responsible for everything and told her that he’s a jerk, he is just hurting her; he’s not the right one for her. No sooner than I had said this, she snapped back at me defending him. And I wasn’t surprised at all. I was just smiling listening to what she had to say. She told me that love is not all about happiness and smiles; it’s about getting hurt too. One doesn’t know what happiness actually is if he hasn’t experienced the pain. I argued that how she can be so sure of him for they have just met. She smiling quoted the dialogue from Valentine’s Day, ‘You don’t step into love, you fall into it. Head over heels.’
And then she said something which made me cent percent sure that he is ‘the one’ for her. I guess I should quote her exact words here. “You know he is no fairytale prince or Augustus Waters that every Hazel out there dreams of. He is short tempered, he doesn’t agree to everything I say and we fight like anything. And that’s what makes it real. I want real love not the romantic love we read in books or watch in movies. And this is real. Well now that I have mentioned Augustus Waters, ‘You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choice’. After a long time I have actually felt happiness. And if this happiness has its terms and conditions, I’m all set for them. This is real. I can feel it. It is real.”
And the smile on her face was the proof she meant every word of what she said. She had even forgotten about the fight and was just smiling. Finally she had found her Mr. Right, not the perfect person but she never really was looking for the best. He was perfect in himself and that’s what she always wanted. I was her most prized possession, her best friend all her life, and now she was certain she found the guy who’d take care of me more than she did. We both were finally happy. But, oh yeah, this is ‘the-but’, maybe she is just not meant to have a happy ending. Sometimes you are not meant for it, you are just not meant to love, even if you find your right one.
Now here I am, looking at her hallucinating stars in the daylight and I just can’t do anything to help her. I can feel the blood flow slowing down with every second passing. I guess she has finally mixed the real poison in the poison of her emotions she takes every day. That’s why I can feel myself giving up. Hers is not a great story to tell. But she wanted to speak her heart out. So here I am, her heart, fulfilling her last wish.
And yes, she never lied to …..
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