It's her birthday today, but she is not with me anymore. I don't know whether to celebrate her birthday or be sad because today is also the day that she left me. She just left me.
Ever since I could remember, she had been a constant presence in my life, sharing an unbreakable bond. We laughed together, we cried together, we shared secrets behind our guardians' backs- basically did everything together. I don't remember her first touch but I sure do remember her last. The last time I met her was in her house, she had cooked for me...Her hands had some kind of magic, marvelous. I preferred going to her house anytime and having food made by her rather than going to any restaurant... I loved her cooking way more than my own mother's...!
But now, she's left me. No warnings, no explanations, no reasons, not even a good bye.
I stare at a huge vacuum in front of me. It would not be easy for me to move on and how could it be? She made me what I'm today. She was the only one who had unflinching faith in my ability. She gave me a patient audience through all my ravings and rantings about the unfair attitudes of parents, then school teachers, then college professors, examiners, interviewers and finally, bosses. And she was the only one who showed generosity when it came to sharing me with my line up of crushes. Selfishly I would return to her everytime I ended my relationship elsewhere. She would just smile gleefully and tease me with a "Better luck next time, my hero!"
I still remember our first date, I brought her a rose. She laughed- a childish and the sweetest one I have ever seen. For me, she was the best. But for her, her ex was the Best and I was jealous of him. Whenever I used to mention how beautiful she is and that I loved her eyes the most, she use to tell me how her ex use to say the same things to her.She always used to tell me how much she loved her ex and that one day she'd leave me and go to the place where her ex was.
I always wondered how someone can continue to love a person who has left them. Her ex had left her a long time ago, much before she met me, but still she loved that man with all her being...And my parents and all the rest who happened to know him, would always tell me that I can never measure upto him. Maybe they are right…I cannot reach that Man’s height but I surely can make my own history only for my love, who just left me like her ex did…
I wish she stayed with me for a little while more so that I could show her that I had finally settled in my new assignment. It was a dream assignment and she would have been the only one to understand and appreciate this truly. I had finally become the man she always wanted me to be- courageous enough to defy tradition and follow my heart's desire.
And she did the same thing- followed her heart's desire; taught me how to grow up into a man and left me to go to her ex!
She died the same way her Ex had. She died sleeping in her bed. No disturbance, just a peaceful sleep. But I'm so angry with her, my first love just left me without giving any reasons. But I still love her and yes, I'm jealous of her ex, but I love him too.
My first love- my Grandmother and her ex- my Grandfather.