Patient Love

Sakshi grinned to herself as she navigated her bike in the traffic, resisting the urge to go faster than the speed limit. She had just received a promotion along with a hefty pay rise and was eager to tell the news to her parents. However, when Sakshi reached home, she was surprised to find two unfamiliar cars parked outside their gate. “I wonder who the guests are? Mother didn’t say anyone was coming “, Sakshi thought. Unwilling to meet the guests, Sakshi entered the house from the back door. She could hear murmurs of conversation punctuated by guffaws of laughter, from the drawing room. Sakshi tiptoed into the kitchen and found her mother there, brewing tea. Ma, Sakshi noted, was wearing one of her silk sarees and the heavier gold chain that she usually wore for functions. As soon as Ma saw Sakshi, she sighed with relief, exclaiming, “Thank God you are home! Quickly go and change your dress. Then come back to serve tea to the guests. “

“But who has come? And why should I serve tea?” asked Sakshi.  “I will explain later. You just do as I tell you”, ma said to Sakshi, rushing out, leaving Sakshi bewildered.

Ten minutes later, Sakshi was clutching the tea tray after having undergone an eagle-eyed inspection of her outfit by her mother. By now, Sakshi had a horrid feeling that she had somehow been pulled into being a part of a bride-viewing. Her fears were proved correct when walking into the drawing-room, she saw two elderly couples along with a young man. One of the couples was the Shrivastava's, the busybodies of their community. The others were strangers. The young man looked ill at ease, though he did try to smile at Sakshi. Sakshi returned it with a polite smile before sending a panic-stricken look at ma, who determinedly ignored Sakshi. 

By the time the guests left, Sakshi was fuming. As soon as the main door closed, she rounded on her parents. “What drama was all this? I thought we agreed that you will not push me for marriage for another three years!” she shouted. Sakshi’s father tried to pacify her by saying, “Arey! Shrivastava sahib phoned out of the blue that they were coming here. We were also unprepared. Anyway, what is the harm? It is not as if the marriage is fixed”. 

Sakshi was not mollified by baba’s explanation. Even when she told her parents about the promotion, she could see that their attention was still on the young man, the prospective groom, Deven. Sakshi's worst fears were confirmed the next day at breakfast when there was a call from the prospective groom’s parents. They wanted to proceed with the match. Deven had been impressed with Sakshi’s beauty and simplicity. The only condition was that the wedding needed to happen within ten days since Deven was supposed to fly back to Dubai for his job.

Sakshi was stunned as ma narrated the conversation with suppressed glee. “But you told them no, right?” Sakshi asked.  Ma hemmed and hawed before finally admitting that she had not agreed to the match but asked for some time to think.

“Think?! What do you have to think? I want to work for a few more years before getting married. I just got a promotion. How hard is it to say no?” Sakshi argued, close to tears. “But Deven is such a good match. He earns well, lives in a 2BHK in Dubai. Do you know how expensive the rents are there? Plus, I saw on his Facebook profile, he goes on exotic holidays! You will be happy with him!” countered ma. “True”, nodded baba, “such good matches are hard to find. His parents are not even asking for dowry!”

Sakshi gave an exasperated look to both her parents. ”I don’t have time to argue with you both. I am getting late for office. Please tell them no!” saying this, Sakshi walked out of the room, but not before she saw her parents exchange a glance.

The whole day Sakshi was distracted. Sakshi couldn’t shake off the nagging feeling that her parents were going to try to brainwash her into accepting the proposal. Finally, unable to bear it any longer, she decided to meet Sujoy.

Sujoy was the other reason why Sakshi did not want to get married. Sujoy had been Sakshi’s childhood friend. Over the years, their friendship had changed into an unnamed relationship. Though words were never spoken, both felt a deep attachment to each other. In her heart, Sakshi had envisaged spending her life by Sujoy’s side. She was just waiting for Sujoy to speak his heart to her. But now, with the threat of matrimony, Sakshi decided she had to take the lead.

At six in the evening, when Sakshi walked into the cafe, her eyes were immediately drawn to Sujoy. Seeing his eyes also light up upon seeing Sakshi made her feel hopeful about the conversation that was about to happen. 
“So, tell me, what happened that you wanted to meet so urgently?” asked Sujoy after placing their order. Sakshi was silent for a moment before blurting out, “ My parents are arranging a match for me. I told them I want to work for a few years before marriage, but I don’t think they will listen. Can you send your parents to talk about our match? I am sure, if my parents came to know that we love each other they will not object.”

Sujoy was silent for a few minutes. He then cleared his throat and said, ”Well, this is awkward. Sakshi, it is true that I count you as a very dear friend of mine, and I care about you deeply. But I don’t think I love you. At least not enough to contemplate spending the rest of my life with you. I am sorry that your parents are getting you married, but you will have to convince them without my help.”

“Y...You don’t love me?” Sakshi asked, bewildered.

Sujoy shook his head gently. With a soft cry, Sakshi rushed out of the café, tears blurring her vision.
By the time Sakshi reached home, she was emotionally drained by the debate raging in her heart and mind. “How dare Sujoy say he doesn’t love me!”, “Just because you love him, doesn’t mean he should love you too”, “What about the late-night chats and “I miss you” messages?” “But he never said I love you, did he?” Round and round, arguments played in her mind until Sakshi wanted to scream. Further torment awaited Sakshi at home, where her parents were waiting to cajole Sakshi into agreeing to the marriage.
 
Exhausted, Sakshi finally said yes.
 
Ten days later, Sakshi was seated next to Deven on a flower-decked dais, mechanically accepting congratulations. She could see Deven glance at her appreciatively from time to time, but Sakshi was indifferent. She felt numb inside, like a robot going through the motions. 
Two days later, Deven and Sakshi flew to Dubai.
 
In Dubai, Deven was puzzled by Sakshi's behaviour. Deven had been Sakshi's senior in school. Even though Sakshi had been oblivious to his existence, Deven had harboured a secret crush on her. When Mr Shrivastava had suggested Sakshi as a potential bride, Deven had jumped at the chance, elated when the proposal had been accepted. But, the Sakshi who stood in front of him, listlessly walking through the apartment, was not the same effervescent Sakshi he knew in school. He should have been happy that Sakshi was here with him in Dubai, ready to start their lives together, but something was missing. He just couldn’t put a finger on it. 

His hunch was proven correct when Sakshi’s eyes widened in apprehension, as soon as Deven walked close to her, invading her personal space. Deven took a casual step back before saying mildly, “ I think both of us are a little overwhelmed by how fast we got married. Let us take some time to get to know each other and be totally ready before consummating our relationship. For outsiders, we will be husband and wife. But in the privacy of the house, we will live platonically. Is that ok with you?” Sakshi nodded yes, surprised and a little relieved. Her heart was still too fragile and raw. An invasion of her body, before she was ready, would have broken her.

Thus, Deven and Sakshi started their wedded lives as platonic roommates. The whole day Deven would be in the office, while Sakshi, after finishing the house chores would listlessly watch TV. As the weeks passed, Deven watched Sakshi with a troubled mind. Sakshi seemed to be fading in front of his eyes. While she would answer any question Deven might ask, she would never initiate any conversation or wholeheartedly participate in any of the gatherings they were invited to. She was locked up in her own thoughts. 

One weekend, in a desperate attempt to break the invisible barrier around her, Deven decided to take Sakshi for a long drive, even though it was peak summer. During the drive, Sakshi saw the endless desert, shimmering under the harsh, unforgiving sun.  “I have become like this”, Sakshi thought, “Arid, lifeless. There is nothing left in me, just as there is nothing in the sand”. As if sensing her thoughts, Deven stopped the car.

Gesturing to the arid landscape, he said, “One of the Hindi names of the desert is Marusthal, the land of the dead, where nothing grows. The conditions are too harsh for man or animal to survive. But, what if I were to tell you, that the desert has its own beauty. That the golden of the sand, stretching for miles, the mirages that pop up, have a stark beauty, that only a discerning eye can see. There is beauty hidden underneath the harsh exterior. We just have to wait patiently for it to be visible. Just like there is love and caring hidden within you. I just have to be patient”. 

Sakshi looked at Deven in surprise. Sakshi looked back at the arid landscape and noticed the undulating shapes carved in the sand by the wind. The starkness of the desert's beauty could not be described by words. His words showed Deven to be a man of great sensitivity, qualities she had overlooked, absorbed in her private hell. She had not realized that her indifference was a torment for him as well. Sakshi understood what Deven was trying to say. 

Taking a deep breath, Sakshi smiled shyly at Deven. “Where shall we go for dinner?” she asked. Deven smiled back and said, “You pick!”

Deven and Sakshi’s relationship underwent a change after the drive. Sakshi slowly came out of her shell. Slowly, they discovered each other's hopes and dreams. One day, she confessed to Deven that she wanted to work, staying at home was driving her crazy. As she started working again, Sakshi regained her confidence and spirit. And yet, their relationship was still platonic. Both hesitated in taking the next step. Deven was sure of his feelings for Sakshi, they hadn't wavered. But, Sakshi was still hesitant about her feelings. 

Six months after their first drive, Sakshi asked Deven to take her back to the desert. “I want to experience the vast expanse again”, she said. When they reached the same spot where Deven had stopped earlier, Sakshi gave a gasp of delight. There was a thin layer of grass on the sand, turning the desert faintly green. “How is this possible, Deven?” Sakshi asked, surprised. Deven laughed at her puzzlement and said, “Didn’t I tell you; the desert has hidden beauty? Last week’s winter rains caused this miracle. We just needed to wait till the right time for the desert to bloom”. Sakshi looked at the green desert and then back at Deven. 

She smiled. 

Hugging Deven tightly, Sakshi said, “Just like your love nurtured my broken heart, making it whole again!”