The Curious Case of the Missing Houseguest

“Have you found him yet?” yelled Raghu from the kitchen.

Kunal lazed languidly, half-asleep on the couch, as he dipped his hand into a large box of peanuts placed strategically on top of his stomach, spilling a few on the sofa. His mind was contemplating whether disturbing his relaxed position was worth the effort to pick up the T.V. remote or to leave things as they were. Status quo is such a bliss, he told himself, as he pushed the remnant peanut skins on his t-shirt into nooks and corners of the sofa that Raghu wouldn’t be able to find easily, hence reducing the net anger in the apartment.

“Hey bhagwan! What sin did I commit to share a house with such a dirty guy like you?” Now the voice sounded louder and harsher, so Kunal opened half an eye-lid to see Raghu towering over him. ‘Towering’ did exaggerate things a bit, for Raghu was all of 5’4” and thin as a pole. But, Kunal wasn’t really a fan of Raghu’s eyes popping through his spectacles ready to burn the world, when he was provoked (which he was, most of the time).

“Have you found him yet?” asked Raghu, again. Kunal looked around, at nothing in particular, smiled lazily and said, “Abey. Chill yaar. Why are you taking so much tension over this little thing?”

As Raghu geared up to deliver some choicest of abuses (“Darn you!” was the maximum he had ever managed), the keys turned in the lock and Akshay walked in.

Grievance written all over his face, Raghu looked at Akshay, ready to deliver a tirade. Akshay, hoping to preempt the barrage, said, “Hi guys! We had a super fun evening in Delhi, dancing through the night at the wedding! But, I am dead tired now. Let me catch some sleep”, and started to walk towards his room.

Raghu stopped him with, “But are you sure you want to go in? He might be there.”

Puzzled at hearing that there might be an additional person in the house that he wasn’t even aware of, Akshay said, “Who? I thought we are the only people who live here.”

Stuttering and stammering at the recollection of the incident that had shaken his very being, Raghu said, “He… he… jumped from behind the couch early this morning as I was sitting here reading the newspaper. I have been sitting on top of the kitchen counter all morning so that I can escape him.”

“Ok Raghu. Calm down now. Kunal, what’s going on? Who is Raghu afraid of?”

Kunal, gulping down a bout of laughter said, “Arrey yaar! Don’t take this Raghu so seriously. He is just scared of everything. I think it was a figment of his imagination.”

Just then, Raghu gave a shriek, and clutched Akshay tight, ready to jump into his hands, if only Akshay would allow it. “There. There. See. He is running that side.”

Akshay looked in the direction Raghu was pointing towards and caught sight of a vanishing tail. Sleep deprived and tired, he was in a good mind to admonish Raghu for his silly behavior. But, yearning to avoid any prolonged confrontation, he restrained himself and said, “We are three of us against one tiny rodent. I am sure we can catch it soon.”

Raghu said doubtfully, “He will not be easy to catch. Don’t underestimate his capabilities.”

Akshay, seeing no reason to try to be nice to a guy who had sabotaged his blissful dream of sleep on a Sunday afternoon, said, a little too sternly, “Stop personifying the mouse. You don’t really know if it is a he or a she”.

Raghu, slightly cowering at the tone, still defended his logic. “I am positive about the gender. That mouse is male. You can always say through the structural differences in the submandibular gland.”

“Sub what?! Actually, forget it,” said a perplexed Akshay as he muttered “God save me from this nerd” under his breath, walking into his bedroom to drop his bags.

Kunal, like a sleeping elephant that had been prodded in the ear, suddenly sat up alert from his lackadaisical position, saying, “Hey, I can spot the tail there. It seems to be hiding behind the TV cabinet.”

Raghu shrieked again and rushed back into the kitchen, to secure his position on top of the kitchen counter.

Akshay, finally realizing that he had to take charge if only to control the shrieking banshee he had for housemate, told Kunal, “Why don’t you stand guard here while I get that peanut box emptied so we can lure the mouse into it?”

Kunal looked at him suspiciously and said, “But, I am not done with the peanuts yet. Wait a sec.”

While Kunal crammed the remaining peanuts into all pockets available on his being, Akshay turned the other way disgustedly, trying to forget the many times he had unthinkingly borrowed clothes from him.

“Here. Take it man,” Kunal said with a satisfied grin, having successfully stashed his peanut supply for the day.

“Have you found him yet?” Raghu called out again, quivers and shivers apparent in his tone.

Akshay took the box and moved the TV cabinet slightly so as not to disturb the mouse. The mouse seemed not to budge, which he found strange. Apprehensive of finding it dead, but having no option, Akshay gingerly pulled the tail out with a clothes hanger lying nearby.

Kunal had meanwhile gone back to the couch to do justice to the peanuts peeking out invitingly from his trousers, his contribution to the house done for the day.

Akshay stared incredulously at the object he had just pulled out.

“Have you found him yet?” whimpered Raghu, for the hundredth time that day. Akshay could sense an artery burst or a nervous breakdown or both descending on him, if he were to hear that question one more time.

He slowly pushed the rotten beetroot with the incredibly long tail that he had just carefully and timidly rescued from behind the cabinet into the peanut box, covered it with a newspaper, and responded to Raghu saying, “I have trapped it in the box. Let me dispose it in the garbage dump across the road. Do me a favor and stop asking ‘Have you found him yet?’ anymore.”

That night, as the three of them settled with pizza and coke in front of the TV, Raghu suddenly jumped up saying, “Did you hear that squeak?”

Akshay, gathering all the patience left in him told, “I disposed the mouse. You either trust me and shut up, or search the house on your own. I am done with this tamasha.”

Doubtful but choiceless, Raghu settled back, trying to focus on the technicalities of the ongoing match. Meanwhile, Kunal said, “No one wants that slice right?” and pounced on the last portion of the pizza, without waiting for an answer.

Status quo was back in the house, if only for the night.