The silent murmurs in the plush, ornate room underscored the palpable tension of the occupants. A “Meeting in Progress. Do Not Disturb.” sign flashed outside the closed door. Inside, hooded stewards milled around serving Toffee Apples and Molotov Cocktails. Goya’s Witches Sabbath adorned one of the wood-paneled walls. Bob Dylan’s Going Going Gone strode lightly on the state-of-the-art speakers.
The meeting would start shortly.
These were the Headquarters of Morbidosa Inc., the global conglomerate that handled the end-to-end logistics of human deaths worldwide. Traditionally, Morbidosa’s Business Prospects had been dictated largely by natural causes. However, as mankind complicated its own existence with downright unhealthy lifestyles and oodles of multi-fanged hate, Morbidosa had had to diversify significantly. The business was booming, but that came with its own set of problems.
This was readily apparent to Mr.P.Horseman, the Chairman of Morbidosa. Mr. Horseman, with his two deputies, Mr.Y.Dharmaraja and Mr.M.Azrael, now sat uneasily at the head of the massive table while Morbidosa’s various Business Vertical heads prepared to rough it out. The rapid diversification of Morbidosa’s portfolio had, due to various internal & external factors, led to a lop-sided rise in prominence of some of the younger Business Verticals. This was now overshadowing the existence of many of the long-standing and high-performing verticals. Leading this tide of young-business juggernauts was the Corona business that had, in just under a year, stealing the thunder from just about every other Business Vertical. That had obviously not gone down well with the other seniors in Morbidosa and an open revolt was just around the corner. Horseman, Dharmaraja, and Azrael knew they had to step in. Thus, today’s gathering.
Mr. Horseman cleared his throat lightly to call the house in order. “Gentlemen”, he began, “I am given to understand that our Management Team has, of late, run into an environment of a difference of opinion. Clearing the air is imperatively in order. Could we come ahead with our misgivings on this platform today?”
Expectedly, Mr. McRat (Head-Corona) was the first to respond. “Sirs, I believe I am being singled out as being the pariah out here. The Executive Committee despises me simply because I have been able to push our brand more aggressively and visibly in the last year than any of my peers. I was given just a junior desk in China but have expanded my operations to every country of the world except a handful who either are lying or are too small to matter or both. Look at the brand recall value I have created. And, as we speak, my R&D team is actively working on new improved products that would ensure we meet our growth guidance positively. The unanimous verdict by the world media is that I have brought the world to its knees like no one ever has before. Can anyone tell me where I have gone wrong?”
Quick to retort was Mr. Rodax, head of the Road Accidents business, “Well, all that may be fantastic to look at, but what about consistency & sustainability? I have been bringing in volumes almost as much as Mr.McRat every year for decades now. And my Business model won’t be affected by any vaccine whatsoever unlike several other of our verticals. My product is compatible with every single alive human being out there, and that’s not expected to change in the foreseeable future. Despite this, I just find a ceremonial mention in our Annual Reports while our friend here is heralded as a Hero.”
Mr.Horseman sighed quietly while maintaining a calm façade. The greenhorns were clearly missing the bigger picture. McRat no doubt had done some impressive work, but his numbers were just a local peak. The real heavyweights, content with listening to the ongoing tirades, for now, would no doubt speak up soon. Mr. Horseman was ready to sit back and wait for that.
Meanwhile, Mr. Dementz (Head-Dementia related diseases) had picked up the cudgels. “Speaking of numbers, may I humbly request McRat and Rodax to please wake up and smell the coffee. I have been consistently clocking almost twice of Rodax every single year, and that too without any ado. To add to this, everyone now knows what causes Corona or fatal accidents but Alzheimer’s is still largely a trade secret. Our organization has always valued people who kept real performance above showmanship. Why should now be any different?”
The mention of organizational values appeared to have flicked a switch somewhere. A signature baritone broke through the bickering. Mr. Dharmaraj, who until now had been listening to the speakers with a quiet but intense gaze, had decided it was time to call a spade a spade. “I am afraid my friends”, he said with a measured tone, “we are not getting anywhere with this. You are a bunch of bright guys, so I am surprised you are getting into such narrow discussions. Instead of debating absolute numbers, we should try to understand the root causes behind the numbers, such that they are. Yes, Corona has become an extremely popular product and that is because McRat got one fundamental right: he targeted all strata of human society equally. Since the origin of Mankind, Mother Nature had been using her laws to decide the contours of human death. Humans, while believing they were hoodwinking nature to become an uber-advanced race, became their own worst enemy. Man-made death causes took over the planet, and those in power conveniently side-stepped this bloody game. And deaths of the powerless didn’t matter. Take a look at our Verticals. Tuberculosis, diarrheal deaths, pneumonia, AIDS – all largely a byproduct of poverty and disentitlement – clock numbers similar to all you eloquent guys every year but are hardly noticed. Who cares if someone who doesn’t exist dies, right? Corona changed this, and suddenly the affluent & powerful were as susceptible to death as the destitute. This is what has made McRat the star that he is, but make no mistake it won’t last long.”
“But humankind so much more complex and funnier than that.” Speaking up now was Mr.Azrael, in his sharp articulate voice. “Our real money-spinners are verticals which are actually linked to human affluence and decadence. Humans like to call them lifestyle-related deaths. Some of your senior colleagues sitting quietly at this table are leading humongous businesses that work quietly but efficiently. Numbers, you said? Well, sample this. Cardiovascular diseases (read burgers, steaks, cheese, beer) account for a business roughly 10 times Corona’s turnover every single year. In fact, Cardiovascular diseases make up for roughly one-third of our annual turnover and this is by far our biggest Vertical by volume.”
It was now Mr. Dharmaraj’s turn to cut back in. “And then there are the consequences of industrialization and unchecked fossil fuel consumption. Neoplasms, possibly a direct effect of pollution & ozone layer depletion, clock a business five times of Mc Rat every year. Respiratory diseases, again a gift of pollution, are twice as big as Corona every year. But few people connect the dots – after all, all these are not sweeping through communities en masse.”
The onslaught had the desired effect. The silence in the room was broken only by the ticking of the huge wall clock. Mr. Horseman paused for a while to allow the men to reflect. “So, Gentlemen”, he said finally, “let me try to give you some takeaways from this meeting. The numbers for 2020 are not out yet, but I have a strong feeling that our overall turnover shall be lower than that of last year. That’s due to the fact that thanks to McRat’s celebrated lockdown, people have had less exposure to road accidents, drownings, murders, and other accidental deaths. Corona has also possibly pushed many people to healthier lifestyles, which may change death patterns slightly in the short term. But mankind is too stubborn and egoistic to stay put for long. Corona will probably go polio or smallpox way, and life will be back to being toxic and unhealthy as usual. So let’s look at the long term, and continue working as a team. For our motto, as you all must remember, is “Death is the only universal Truth”.”
Data Source: https://ourworldindata.org/causes-of-death
This story has not been moderated or edited by the Readomania Team.
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