I thought about you again last night
As a faint old memory tickled my mirth into being
And brought more connected memories alive yet again.
Reminiscences of the life we had shared,
Those precious moments and hours and days
Of a life that was ours alone,
Possessive in its relationship that will always keep us tied at the heartstrings.
Forever and always, never fading, never losing its warmth.
Another missive began to yawn into being
As I penned down my love and recriminations
For a relationship and a memory that has been gone,
Gone for over fifteen years now.
You never gave me a chance to bid farewell
To mourn in peace and quiet of a relationship,
That can never find a replacement.
I hate you because you left me mid-way
At a place that had more crossroads and dead ends than it did life.
You left me young and confused,
At a point of no return.
The day you left, many doors closed on my past and life as I knew it.
Closed, never to open again.
You left me the burden of facing everything in solitude
Even the misery of seeing your breath abate at my young bosom.
I have asked you this in all my missives and I ask you again:
How can you stop breathing on a bosom that you gave life to?
And how can you say that life comes a full circle,
When my life giver sucked out my very life in an instant?
Where you not merciless when you left abruptly
With no address for me to post my missives to?
Only a care-of – the not so kind Lord!
You left me before I had a chance to thank you
For breathing your life into mine, mother.
You left me in bruises that will never heal
In a pain that still plagues my nights as I sob into my pillow,
With my little ones sleeping quietly by my side.
At least give me a sign that you see and hear
My craving for you, my mother,
Of my constant memories and turmoil.
For I can never truly bid farewell to you.
Yet, I again pen another fading missive
In a hope that someday, one might reach you
And I will get the closure that I need to heal from within.