The Little Black Beads

Priya looked at herself. The image staring back at her wasn't bad, though it definitely could be better! She stared at herself a little more closely.
Draped in a red sari and a shimmery blouse, her not-so-thin but still shapely waist peeking away – she looked good. Her skin had a beautiful glow, the glow of motherhood. There were a few new and alien lines on her face too – of wisdom, patience and growth, transitioning from a woman to a mother. Also a hint of dark circles peeking away, even though she had tried her hardest to cover them up with makeup! Sleepless nights would do that to you as she turned her head towards her baby and a smile spread on her face. ‘Part and parcel of my job dearie!’ She whispered as she tucked the baby in her blanket.
She then picked up a thin golden payal (anklet) adorned with a few ghunghroos, which made a charming sound when she walked in them.
She remembered wearing a payal for as long as she remembered.
As a little baby they had little black beads, which her Maa had bought from a known guruji – with the blessings and mantras in it, to protect her from evil.
As she grew up, they turned into silver which her Dadi and Nani kept on getting a new stock of, time to time. She remembered once a fight also broke on between the two ladies, on whose payal Priya would wear. Finally her Maa had found a solution – alternate days for each. That arrangement had pacified the two elderly ladies.

Now this wasn't something that was forced on her, but rather something she grew up with. Call it tradition or a habit, this was the norm at her household. Her Maa, Nani, Dadi all wore such beautiful payals all the time, their sweet sound could be heard everywhere. Priya grew to love them and would insist that she had one on her all the time.
Once when she was six years old, she had gone to the market with her father and he had allowed her to pick up anything she wanted. She had looked around at the toys and the sweets, and then spied a pair of beautiful payals with little white beads and dangling butterflies. She fell in love with them instantly! She hugged them all the way back to her house and wore them with such pride.
From then on, payals became her style statement. They varied with the changing fashion trends
but she was never without one! 
Priya was born and brought up in a well educated family and the word "need" was unheard of. The first and only child to the family, her wish was their command.
She wasn't spoiled, just blessed – with the best of everything.

‘Ready?’ – Rahul popped his head in. He looked at her and a smile that had a hint of happiness and possessiveness cropped on his face. Or was it love?
She was his, forever, and he thanked God everyday to be blessed with such love around him. It had been very tough to win her heart but it was so worth it. They were meant for each other!
He was a father now and she was the reason behind it all. 
‘Almost!’ Priya raised a rueful face. ‘You would have to help me with the clasp’, as she handed out the payal to him.
‘My ankles still feel a little swollen and bending hurts my stitches a little.’

‘Is it needed?’ Rahul swore a little under his breath. 

In the four years of their marriage, this conversation had happened so many times always with the same answer – ‘Please, this is what I grew up with okay!’
Rahul would always call them her "riwaazo ke bandhan" or strings of custom jokingly.
It was a joke as there were actually no cultural hiccups that they both followed or were asked to abide, by their parents.
Both of them had met in college, fell in love and had informed the parents. Caste was never discussed and everyone was happy.

‘How’s the baby?’ Rahul looked in the crib admiring the little princess sleeping.
‘All well rested – she would be in a good mood for the party,’ added Priya picking up her purse and the baby bag.
They were throwing a huge party to welcome the new baby in their lives. All their cousins were scattered away thanks to the IT jobs and only family occasions got them together.

Baby Rhea was a month old and they thought they were finally ready for everybody to meet her. 

Priya looked around for the long thin red box – her present for Rhea.
It was a pair of little silver payals with those magic black beads – she had tracked down the same Guruji’s lineage to procure it. Rhea too would be protected from all the evil – just as she was!
Rahul saw the box and rolled his eyes.
‘See, my daughter will carry on my tradition.’ Priya giggled like a little girl.

It was a huge gathering. All her relatives had turned up to bless the baby.
Everyone doted on Rhea and wanted to hold and hug her – something Priya wasn't too excited about though.
‘Germs, germs, germs’ was the only thought running in her head as she saw everybody drooling over the baby.
Finally she put Rhea in her bassinet next to her, so that she could keep an eye on her all the time.

They cut the cake and the noise around was just too much. Thank God Rhea wasn’t crying. 
Priya had just pulled the payal out of the box when she looked up...
Suddenly all the noise around her became muffled, her breathing almost stopped, things went blurred around her as she saw "him" enter the hall.

She suddenly felt as if her stomach dropped and she needed to hold on to the chair to support herself.
It was her Chacha – her father’s first cousin.
He was a regular visitor to their house growing up, as he considered Priya's grandmother as his mom.
His visits were looked forward to with a lot of anticipation by Priya as he always came loaded with gifts for her. He was about twenty years older to her and Chacha was so much fun to be around until…

Priya came out of the haze and saw him coming towards her, gifts in hand. He was accompanied by his wife and his children – a teenage boy and a daughter of about ten years. 
Priya could not focus. She looked around for her Maa, who was already coming towards her – guilt written all over her face.
‘Priya,’ she whispered, ‘I invited him. He is visiting from the US. How could I not – he is family!’
Seeing Priya’s piercing eyes she added hurriedly, ‘Don't overreact! You know this is how we do things in our family. This is what you were taught. No need to bring it up, forget and move on.’

Priya turned and saw that Chacha had reached them – with a huge grin on his face. ‘Wow, look at you Riya (her nickname as a kid). All grown up! For a moment I didn't even recognize you. It has been so many years…"
‘Congratulations Bhabhiji,’ he said turning towards her mother, who was folding her hands.
Rahul came in the scene and he looked confused looking at Priya’s face and the unknown face in front of him.
‘Rahul beta, this is Priya's Chachaji. He stays in the US,’ Priya’s Maa chimed from behind.
Rahul folded his hands in respect.
Priya was still clutching Rhea's payals in her hands probing his face for any sign of embarrassment or remorse. There was none.
Suddenly she felt a touch on her arm and she reacted as if she was pricked with a needle.
It was Rahul who looked even more concerned after this jolty reaction.
‘Babes are you ok? You look ill. Who is he?’
What could Priya tell him...

Suddenly she saw Chachaji heading towards the bassinet
‘Aah Rhea baby, my pretty baby!’ 

***

Suddenly she was ten years old, in her room, in her house – a hand clasped on her mouth, with Chacha hissing in her ears “Aah Riya baby, my pretty baby!’, while his other hand was grabbing and pulling at her chest. ‘Sshhhhhh…don't make a noise. Come now Riya, come to me!’ 
Chacha threw her on the bed and climbed on top of her – still one hand clasping her mouth. Suddenly he removed his hand and stuck his tongue in her mouth, his beard scratching her face while both hands now free groping her whole body! 
With Chacha’s weight crushing her tiny body, she could hardly breathe. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she let out a silent scream...
She was in so much pain! Not just physical but emotional too. This was her uncle, her father’s cousin. Not having a sibling, she used to tie a rakhi on his wrist. Didn't that mean he was her protector? Wasn’t he supposed to save her? And yet here she was at his mercy, helpless!
His hands were moving towards her thighs when suddenly a bell rang. Her parents were back!
He removed himself unwillingly from her but not before he held her hand tightly one more time. ‘Riya baby, listen to me. We were just playing a game, ok? It was a fun game right? Don’t you dare tell your Maa or Papa about it. They will never believe you or love you after this. And if you dare open your mouth, I will kill them and kill you too!’
Priya didn't really believe the threat but it scared her enough to keep her mouth shut. She became silent and scared after that incident. She would cling on to her mother all the time like a scared lamb.
But that didn't stop Chacha. He would try grabbing her every chance he got. He was always lurking around – a sly grin on his face. 
That’s when the nightmares started…

One day Chacha convinced everybody to go see a movie while he would stay home with Priya. She came back from school to an empty house…and a sex-crazed Chacha with only one thing in mind. The ordeal began the same way “Aah Riya baby…” hand clasped on the mouth, but this time she fainted.
She woke up and saw her Maa and Dadi, concern written all over their faces.
They had cancelled the movie plan and headed home, just to find her ‘sleeping’ as told by Chacha.
After a lot of questioning, Priya broke down and told everything to her Maa and Dadi, who listened to all this with a grave face.
They asked a lot more questions, which were very embarrassing for Priya to answer or comprehend but apparently they were satisfied by the answers they got.

‘Look Priya,’ her Mom had told her, ‘You don't need to tell this to anyone else, not even Papa. We will handle it, don't worry! Thank God you were saved on time, nothing much happened. So let’s just forget all this and move on. I will take care of this.’
‘Kuch nahi hua hai tumhare saath,’ her Dadi had added. 

Was it really 'nothing'? Really? Then why couldn't she sleep at night? Why was she scared of any touch – by anyone? Why did she feel that it was her fault somehow? Why did she feel so dirty and abused? Why?

That evening as she came out of her room she saw Chacha standing with her Papa. Priya froze. ‘Aah Riya baby, sleep ok?’
She looked towards her Maa, who came towards her, guilt written all over her face, as she took her in a corner and whispered.
‘Priya, he is your Chacha. Of course he would stay with us. He is family. It won’t happen again. Just act normal. This is what I was taught. This is how we grew up. These are our values!’

Chacha still visited their house regularly, with even more gifts for his ‘Riya baby’. 
Life continued on normally for all after this – except hers. She had changed forever.

From a bubbly little kid, she became a reserved grown-up overnight. She forgot to laugh, or play or be free. She lived in constant fear, her big eyes always scared, always watchful. She used to stay at home, and rarely had any friends over.
She had never let anyone get close to her, keeping herself locked in a shell. Except Rahul….
Rahul, with his love had made Priya open up a little. It hadn't been easy. Priya had resisted and snubbed him for long. But Rahul had been persistent and slowly she started trusting him. Priya felt safe with him. He gave her the protection that she had always longed for. With him Priya became the little bubbly kid, that had been lost years ago – started a new life again, from scratch. The scars were healing, were being forgotten…
But she could never share her past with him. What if he stopped loving her? What if he blamed her?
Her Maa had advised her the same. ‘Keep quiet. Don't defame your family. He would never respect you.’
And Priya had agreed. She could not lose Rahul. As long as he was there, nothing could go wrong.
She did not need to be the strong one, the dependent one, the saviour, she truly believed.

Until today…

She saw Chacha bend down to lift Rhea out of her bassinet when she felt something free itself from within, as if she was born again, with wings this time!
She was a woman, a mother!
And this little angel was hers – and hers to protect!
She did not need a father, a brother or a husband to protect her baby. She would protect her with her life if she had to!
A lot of words came crashing down on her that instant – ‘this is what we do, keep quiet, nothing happened, you would be blamed, this is what we were taught....’
As she took the first step towards her freedom from all the chains that were holding her back, the payal slipped away from her hand, crushed under her feet as she walked forward, towards a new chapter, a new awakening.
The payal broke… The black beads lay trodden under her feet as she advanced, to save her child from the evil, the evil that lurks around every dark corner of every house, where the woman stifles her voice and the payal clinches her feet.
Priya stood before that Chacha, that monster with a newfound strength, and he looked scared…
"NO!" she shouted, as she slapped him hard across the face.
A slap that broke the silence of all those years.
Everybody in the party went silent, as the mother – the woman – rose to the sky and spread her wings…