"Abuse manipulates and twists a child’s natural sense of trust and love. Her innocent feelings are belittled or mocked and she learns to ignore her feelings. She can’t afford to feel the full range of feelings in her body while she’s being abused—pain, outrage, hate, vengeance, confusion, arousal. So she short-circuits them and goes numb. For many children, any expression of feelings, even a single tear, is cause for more severe abuse. Again, the only recourse is to shut down. Feelings go underground."
Avantika read out loud from her copy of Allies in Healing by Laura Davis as Meera lay sprawled on the cool marble floor,eyes screwed shut,massaging her head to get rid of the horrible migraine.
"Oh shut up,will you? My head feels like its about to blast."
"That is what happens when you put your teeny-weeny brains to use so rarely,"teased Avantika,scribbling furiously on her notepad.
"Ha ha ha. Little Avi made a joke! Impressive." Meera changed the topic as Avantika made a face accompaanied by a rude hand gesture,"Why are you reading that anyways?"
"Class work Meera,you'd know if you attended."
"I don't need to Avi,I've got ya." Meera winked at her best friend,pulled the notepad from Avantika and read out,"'Child abuse is that form of cruelty the offenders of which deserve a special place in hell. When has anyone ever had the right to rip off the innocence from a soul so pure and unscathed?'Ooo. What's it 'bout?"
"Child Abuse," mused Avantika,ruffling through the pages,going over her books for the 'n'th time.
Supporting herself on her elbows,Meera looked at Avantika with raised eyebrows and said "No shit Sherlock." Giggling Avanitka,shut her book and started reading from the back cover, " Based on in-depth interviews and her workshops for partners across the country, Laura Davis offers practical advice and encouragement to all partners—girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, and lovers—trying to support the survivors in their lives while tending to their own needs along the way. She shows couples how to deepen compassion, improve communication,..."
Meanwhile Meera had managed to drag herself on the bed and had tuned out Avantika's voice as she lay thinking.
She didn't know if it was a dream or just the cruel reality-though a eleven year old couldn't dream about something like that-she still wasn't sure. It had happened years ago,lying in her bed half asleep,she had been dreaming about the new doll-house her mother had bought her and weighing her options for adorning it in the best way possible. She was happy-content;her angelic smile spread across her spotless face. Girls her age had always envied her about the things she got, were jealous of her because she was different,different not in a made-heads-turn way,but different and unique nevertheless. Just then she heard her sister snore. Aarg! those snores,she thought,won't they ever stop? The only thing she disliked-and what brought her a step closer to being a normal girl-was having to share her bed with two more people,her twin sister and father's youngest brother. She had always lived in a family of twelve,quite a family it was,and so had to share the room and the bed.
That night was filled with silence and the regular disturbance of the ceiling fan overhead.The door creaked and in he stumbled in the dead of the night. It was routine for him to come home drunk and she didn't care to bother about it anymore,clutching her blanket she drifted to sleep and then it happened.
She felt the safe covering of her blanket being removed,she felt someone's warm breath filled with the essence of alcohol over her face,she felt the pressure of a rough hand over her mouth and the weight of another being upon her. What happened next was lost in the drowsiness enveloping her. She remembered all this the next morning but she could never be sure,she was too young and innocent to know what had happened. She hadn't discussed it with anyone ever,clueless about what she would say.
She cringed even now at the reminiscent feel of the rub of an alien body over her own. But how did it alter her? Years later lying next to her best friend read about trauma leaving a conscious or sub-conscious scar,she finally realised why she liked the missionary so much.
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