THE WISH FOR ONE

Ankita stared at the two pink lines with disbelief, she was pregnant. The miracle finally happened. They had been trying for four years now, and after all the grand moment arrived. The innumerable visits to the clinics and infertility consultations, the pujas and havans, the ayurvedic medicines, the yoga classes, the endless meditations and herbal teas and then it finally happened. All this while, when she was going through this trying time, she had already become a mother in her heart, all she waited for was the two pink lines to appear in the pregnancy test kit. Ankita sat down on the bathroom floor, relieved and ecstatic, clutching the stick close to her heart.

*******

Avinash and Ankita, the perfect happy couple to the outside world were married for 6 years, and yes their marriage was perfect. They were childhood sweethearts, their families were supportive, both had great careers, they had everything they wished for. All they had wanted to make their lives even more perfect was a child. The blissful six years of marriage was only tainted by the daunting challenge of conceiving a child.

Avinash believed it would happen for them, he hated the clinics and the entire mechanical process of conceiving. He hated going to visit the doctor, he hated getting himself tested, he hated the pujas and havans, and he hated the entire process. Avinash couldn’t be a part of it, he had left Ankita lonely and sad when he refused to go with her to the clinics, sit for the pujas, and attend the yoga classes. Ankita was fighting her battle alone. Avinash tried to convince her if it didn’t happen naturally for them, they would adopt. Ankita was adamant, she wanted her own flesh and blood, someone her own, entirely hers. They were starting to have fights which were rare for them, and a month earlier had generated the worst of them all.

Ankita had raised the topic again at breakfast table.

‘Avi, I think you should go to the doctor at least once. I have been tested for so many years, taken medication, injections, and classes. You have not participated in any. Please Avi it is high time you took it seriously.’

‘I am serious about it, I also want to become a parent, but not like this. This all seems so mechanical, so choreographed. We can adopt Ankita, we don’t need people telling us we are infertile and can’t become parents.’

‘No one is telling us we are infertile, they are just trying to help, just get yourself tested will you. Four years is long enough for my patience.’

‘Are you giving me an ultimatum?’

‘Ultimatum? Are you crazy, think about it Avi, please. I am going crazy here, can’t you see?’

‘I can see that, you have gone from crazy to totally senile. You have lost focus from all the other good things happening in your life. You have lost focus from me Ankita.’

‘Maybe I wouldn’t have if you were there for me, you have left me alone on this Avi, absolutely alone, and you are so unsupportive it’s beyond belief.’

‘Fine’ Avi snapped.

‘Fine for what? Don’t just get up and leave. Answer me.’ Ankita had broken down, tears rolling down her eyes. Avi had walked out on her. Again. She needed something drastic, something final to end all this. She was so damn sure, it was Avi for her results were fine, they were fine for the last four years. It has always been Avi and his man ego refused to believe it. Ankita had felt all hope drowning. The cook Nakul had silently cleared the table watching the memsahib cry for hours.

*******

The last month had been hard for Avinash, he silently watched Ankita losing her calm over and over again. She started missing work which she loved; she locked herself in the bathroom for hours at times, sobbing in the middle of the night. Once he came back home to find the poor cook Nakul fired for no apparent reason. The house was a mess, the maid complained that memsahib didn’t let her clean properly and shouted at her if she tried. All her friends, colleagues and family were worried about her; everyone silently accused Avi for not being supportive. Avinash had finally decided to give in, he loved his wife more than anything else anyone else in the world, why was he being so adamant. All he had to do was getting tested. There was nothing to be scared of. He knew at his heart, it was him; the fault was with him, for Ankita’s results were never negative. Avinash had been a successful lawyer for years now; he was an example of success all throughout. He had the highest grades in school and universities, he had the most beautiful girl, and he had the money, the job everything. He was worried this was the first time he would fail, fail to be a husband, and fail to be a father.

Avinash had called up the clinic, and made appointments with the doctor. He didn’t want Ankita to know. He wanted to go through it alone, like she had done, for many times. Avinash had done the easy bit, today was the hard part and he was to get his results today.

‘Mr. Sharma’ the doctor began with an ominous tone, ‘You results are here with us, and am afraid I have bad news for you.’

Avinash exhaled, he had expected the bad news.

‘Your sperm have low motility, and the count isn’t high either.’

‘What are our options?’

‘Well you can keep trying, but there’s a good chance that it may never happen for you, or you can look for donors, use a sperm bank or just go for adoption.’

Avinash was finally out of the discomfit zone, he knew what he had to do. He would leave everything upto Ankita, whatever she was happy with. He would make up to her for being an ass for so long, for leaving her alone in this arduous journey.

He thanked the doctor and left the clinic, the reports secured in his suit pocket. Tonight he would tell Ankita the truth. All will be well.

******

Avinash entered the flat to find it spotless, flowers arranged and dinner table set with candles. He mentally checked what the date was, did he forget something, an anniversary or birthday. His memory failed him, if it was a happy day; he wouldn’t tell her tonight he thought.

‘Ankita’ he called.

She breezed in looking radiant in a red chiffon sari; she glided towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

‘Am I forgetting something baby?’ He asked.

‘No, I just happen to have the best news to tell.’ She smiled. ‘Freshen up and I’ll tell you over dinner.’

Avinash’s heart sank, it better be not some other fertility technique she has come up with, it would break her heart to know the truth. He changed slowly, delaying the moment as much as he could. Finally he could wait no longer. He came out into the dining room, where Ankita was singing to herself and pouring hot soups onto two matching bowls.

He sat down at the table, and Ankita drew a chair right next to him.

‘Guess what?’ Ankita smiled.

‘What?’ he asked gently. His right hand automatically clutching the doctor’s report, which was still inside his trouser’s pocket.

She handed him over the stick with two pink lines. ‘I am pregnant.’ She crooned.

Avinash looked at her in disbelief. He lost all power to speak.

‘I know how you feel, I felt the same too, I couldn’t believe it myself, but its true baby, am finally pregnant. I am so sorry, I should have trusted you, you were right all along that it would happen for us naturally, all this infertility shit was useless.’

Avinash knew what it meant, she had slept with someone else to get pregnant, for he couldn’t have made her pregnant and he had the proof right in his pocket.

‘It’s the happiest day of my life,’ she went on, ‘I really don’t know.....’

Her words trailed away at the back of his mind, all he knew at that moment is that it was not him. He started thinking who could it be, a friend? A donor? Nakul-the cook-who was fired? It could be anybody. He didn’t know how to react, so he smiled at her and finished his food. She was way to ecstatic to realise something was amiss with him.

*******

That night when Ankita was deep in her sleep, glowing and radiant, he went into his study. In the privacy of his study Avinash tore the report into pieces and threw it in the trash. Even though he knew the truth, there was a bigger truth behind it all. At heart like Ankita he was a parent too, waiting for this moment of joy to arrive. No matter how the child came, it was theirs to love and raise, and he would do just that, he would be a father.

******