The Women That Will Never Be Enough

It’s my birthday today. I know William will propose to me tonight. He is taking me to a special place for dinner. A clandestine dinner. Just the two of us. It was the word 'clandestine' that triggered thoughts of a proposal in my mind. There is another reason that makes the day all the more special: I am moving in with him today. My parents are keeping their promise.
William and I have been together for almost five months now. Just after three months into the relationship William had wanted me to move in with him. It’s too early to take that call, my mom had said. Dad was totally averse to the idea; he had sneered when his colleague’s daughter had moved in with her boyfriend. But I did not want to lose William; I just knew he was the one.
Mom and Dad had to give in, eventually. What choice did they have? I could’ve run away. Or, they could’ve threatened to disown me—only making it easier on me. Dad did, though, manage to convince me to put it off till my birthday. Begin the new chapter in your life on the first day of a new year of your life, he had said.
When William came to pick me up this evening Mom had tears in her eyes. Yet, she smiled. Dad, seeing us off at the door, was smiling too. Smiles can make good actors of people. The emotions that smiles are capable of hiding!
"It’s a thirty-five minute drive to the restaurant. We better get a move on it," William said, leading me to his car.
"Thirty-five minutes? It’s not in town?"
"It’s on the outskirts. It'll build up our appetite. I heard it’s a nice place.”
I smile at him. I find promise in the thought that he will hold my hand all through the thirty-five minutes of the drive but can’t give a pass to the reality that it would push the time when he would propose, and the time when I will be with him, in ‘our’ bed, further away.
The drive to the restaurant is breathtaking—a deep-blue stretch of water along the side of the road, reflecting a big silver coin that seems to want to come with us. I look at William; his eyes have caught the radiance of the moon in them. I close my eyes; I am in my happy place.
“We’re there,” William says, snapping me out of my beautiful world. He takes my hand as we walk into the restaurant; one of the finest I have ever seen. Our table is at the far end of the restaurant, close to a long wall that has the faces of ladies mounted on it. Exquisite taxidermied faces have taken up the entire wall.
“Oh my! Look at this wall.” William is as amazed as me.
“Yes, isn’t it stupendous?” the waitress says, as she seats us at our table. I am seated facing the wall; William has his back to it.
I can’t take my eyes off the wall. What would one need to do to be up there? For everyone to see and admire? I see placards under each face. I want to go over and have a look but William is looking at me with an adoring smile. He deserves my undivided attention tonight.
As a test to my endurance, I realize the restaurant serves a seven-course meal. I excuse myself on the pretext of going to the washroom. On my way back to our table I stop at the wall. Another woman is gazing at the faces. "Wow, all these women! So many achievers," I say out loud.
"Achievers? That’s a fine joke,” the woman snickers.
I’m wary of her tone but I continue to ask, “Are they all from here? What are they famous for?”
"What are they infamous for, you should ask."
"Infamous?"
"Their ‘achievements’ are stated on the placards below.” The woman’s poise gives me the impression that she works with the restaurant, and her primary job is to keep its customers rightly informed about the wall.
I turn to look at the face that is at eye level; an oval-shaped one, with big brown eyes. The placard below it reads: A loving soul. Cared for and respected her elders. She didn’t want a child. Was more passionate about her career. I squint; I didn’t read that right. I read it again.
I turn to look at the woman.
The woman is watching me; her nod seems to say: Yes, you read that right!
I read the placard under the next face: A home-body. Always there for her family. She laughed too loud after having a drink too many. I shift my eyes to the one above it: Charmingly gentle. Docile, even when falsely accused of lying. This one time, she fought back.
I look up, at the very first one of the top row. It says: Brilliant. Scholarly. She dared to throw it all away to be a biker.
I can’t look further.
“This place is creepy. Can we leave, please?” I stand by William’s side, urging him to get up.
“But we still have four more courses to go. What’s wrong? You seem pale.”
I move to my chair, sitting only at the edge. “Why did we come here? Where did you hear about this place from? Is there something you want to tell me?” A million questions are ricocheting in my head. Does he even want to marry me? Why hasn’t he proposed till now? Should I give him time to propose? Does he want to only bed me?
“I’d never heard about this place. Your dad did the booking. It’s all paid for by him. His colleague recommended it … said it’s a novel place to start our journey.”
I look at the wall. My dad’s smile flashes before my eyes—the ‘good actor smile’.