Yes, This is Love!

It was still dawn when I stepped out of the cab and walked towards the entry gate of the Delhi airport. The early morning February air was pleasantly cold.

I was travelling to Bengaluru to attend a college friend's wedding. It had been four years since we graduated from the same college. This wedding was also going to be a reunion of our batchmates. But what I didn't know was that the reunion would begin much ahead of time; right in the queue in front of the airline counter.

I was almost sure it was she. Same height! Same long hair! Same complexion! Curiosity had my eyes glued to her. And then about 60-odd seconds later, when she turned, she proved me right. My ex-girlfriend stood two places ahead of me in that queue. We had never met after the college farewell.

I remembered the first day I saw her, it was our first day in college. Somehow she stood out in the group of girls that were standing in the carpentry lab. Her long wavy hair was tied up in a careless bun with a bit of her long hair hanging out. She looked like she was totally enjoying being in there while the rest of us had mixed feelings of fear, happiness, curiosity, and a lot more written all over our faces. She was there smiling and the white kurta with purple flowers which perfectly suited her dusky complexion. I had fallen for her that day, that minute, and never wanted to leave her side ever.

I loved her for what she was, her ever-smiling face, casual attitude to most things, her innocence, and her beauty both inside and out! 

It took me three years to tell her what I felt though I became her closest friend in those years. For three long years my mind was filled with thoughts of love for her and thoughts of our future when I wasn't thinking of studies. It was as though the whole world knew about us and yet neither had she told me anything nor did I have the courage to tell her. Now that I think about it there were so many reasons why I was subconsciously avoiding telling her my feelings.

In the days that followed, we both were very happy but because we had made a conscious decision not to declare to the world about our feelings for each other we tried to play it down in front of our friends. We never met outside college and we never did anything that would look suspicious. 

Somehow all of a sudden over the next six months, without any rhyme or reason we stopped talking to each other. There was no fight, actually, we never fought over anything, but we stopped talking to each other completely. She didn't ask me why I was avoiding her and I didn't ask her why she kept a distance from me. The final six months in college kept us busy with projects, campus interviews, and a whole lot of other things. Finally, it was our farewell day while the rest of the class were happy and sad at the same time, I saw Anjali with a smile, the same smile she had on the first day of college. Was she happy to leave college? Maybe she didn't like me at all. I wanted to walk over to her and ask a million different questions, but I did not have the courage to do anything. She walked away from college, on the last day with a smiling face, waving to all our friends without saying a word to me. I did not say goodbye to her either. She chose not to come to the graduation ceremony. 

I heard from friends that she had rejected the offer that she got through a campus interview. I had joined work right after college and was based in Chandigarh trying to set up the new office for my company. there was no way that we could bump into each other even if we wanted. My work was tough and I kept myself so busy that I refused to let her thoughts take over. Days became weeks and weeks became months and now it is four years since I last saw her. I avoided common friends so I didn't have to hear about her and now there she is, just the same as I saw her on the first day in college eight years ago, the same smile, the same innocence, and the same spark that made me fall flat for her that fateful day!

Even before I could say anything, she asked a couple of people behind her to move ahead and she joined me. There she was, standing beside me and neither of us could say a word. The two most talkative people in the class had no words to say to each other. She stood there staring at her fingernails, probably trying to think what colour would suit them and I was there looking at her face, trying to make eye contact. My eyes searched her face, her neck to see if there were any signs that she was married. I was happy to note that other than the small black bindi which she had painted on her forehead with eyeliner and the eyeliner for her eyes and a faint shade of natural lip colour lipstick, there was no sign of anything else! No sindoor and no mangalsutra! What was I hoping for? A revival? I do not know, but I sure was happy that there was no sign that she was married.

Finally, it was our turn to check-in and both of us held our tickets together. The girl at the ticket desk looked up, gathered up the tickets, and took her own sweet time to give us our boarding passes. We got our boarding passes and walked through security to the gate. Luckily we found two seats together and sat down beside each other. She was fidgeting with her boarding pass nervously when I just held her hand and blurted out "Anjali, do you still love me?". It was as though she was waiting for this question to be asked. She bent her head down lower and I could see tears rolling as she mumbled, "Yes Rajat, I do!". I let her calm down for a few minutes. 

Boarding was announced by then and I was glad that it was not a full flight. We were sitting beside each other and there was hardly anyone around us. We could talk in peace now. As soon as we settled in our seats and the seatbelts were on, I gently took her fingers into mine and she let me hold it. After a few minutes, her head was on my shoulder, this was something that had never happened before. I was already flying even though the plane hadn't even left the gate. "Yes, She loves me still" I wanted to shout, but decided to enjoy the minute quietly instead. I wished the plane would land elsewhere and we could spend time together and talk about everything before we met our other classmates.

"Why did you leave me Raj?" she asked softly.

"I can ask the same question to you too, remember, you too were avoiding me"

"Why did you not ask me then?"

"For the same reason that you did not ask me anything I suppose"

She smiled, took my fingers and kissed them gently. Another first!

"Hey, you are too fast!" I smile.

"I am afraid I will lose you again. I never ever want to lose you, this time around."

"You won't Anju, I am not going anywhere without you."

"Really?"

"Yes, darling" and she blushes when she hears that. My Anju, my darling Anju was back and this time, she was in my arms. I wanted to hear her side of the story before I told her mine. I prod her gently. She quietens a bit then she starts talking without looking up.

"Raj, just after we confessed our love for each other, I found out something that I was ashamed of. I found out that my father was having an affair. When I first heard that, I could not believe it. But I realised it was true. My heart broke. How could I face you? How could I tell you that? I was ashamed but I did not want to tell anyone about my family, he is my father after all! I tried to keep calm and keep smiling. My parents divorced soon after I finished college. I didn't want anyone to trace me so I got this job in Hyderabad, found a working women's hostel and settled there. It has taken me this long to accept what has happened and that none of it is my fault. A day has not passed without me thinking about you. I bumped into Sunil the last time I was in Delhi for work a couple of months ago and that is how we have been in touch and he invited me for the wedding! This is the first time I am going out for any kind of gathering in four years."

She finishes her story and looks up at me. Now it is my turn, she has made it easier for me to talk. "Anju, remember I told you that I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you?"

"Yes" 

"But I never spoke about it for three years. Do you know the reason why?"

"No, why?"

"Well, my parents always fought with each other. Theirs was a love marriage and I had a fear that if we got married our marriage would fail too. When I did convince myself that we would be fine and spoke to you about my feelings, things took a serious turn at home. Towards the end of our third year in college, they applied for divorce too! By the time we left college they had gone their own separate ways. All of a sudden I was not so sure about myself and what my life would be. I also had the fear of facing you. Thankfully I got a job in another corner of the country and I drowned myself in work and I rarely thought about family."

"I am so sorry," she whispered. I could see her eyes well up. We both loved each other so much and yet weren't ready to share our pains for the fear of being judged and rejected. Looks like we had very little trust in each other. But these four years of separation had brought about a major change. It strengthened our love if not anything else. We had matured mentally and ours was not puppy love anymore. We proved that we could wait for each other and will accept each other and their families as and how they were.

This is love! 

By the time the flight landed in Bengaluru, we were ready to announce our engagement to the rest of our classmates. This time there was no hiding. We were in love and we were ready to shout it from rooftops! 

Yes, this is love!