I Wasn’t Enough

Winner of Poetry Contest - Conquering Self Doubt

When I arrived, my mom cried

She swallowed gold leaf to produce her crown, a boy

To fill in her humiliated heart, surge of deserved joy

But then I arrived, my mom cried

Pretty, healthy baby whose hair had curls

But I wasn’t enough, I was a girl

My existence unwanted, my choices rejected

I treaded on a path holding my head high

But that lane would accept coy cows who were shy

The sanskari ones, frozen hearts, who existed or not, God knows?

But In my veins, there were alive volcanoes

I wasn’t enough, to be casted in their mould

To behave in a pattern which was age old

They pounced, they shouted, fingers pointed

To break, destroy that element which makes me bold

Shattered, scared, tamed, at last I followed their race,

Where the destination was unknown

With fear in my heart, I got used and thrown

Once again, trapped in their world,

Where I wasn’t enough,

Each step was risky, trashy and rough

And then

That warm, cute bundle of joy arrived

Who searched me, frantically all over

Who couldn’t stay away from me

For even an hour, my unabashed ruler

My one month old daughter

Who couldn’t even utter a word

Spoke to me in a language

The language of faith, the language of love

She birthed me as a mother

Her eloquent eyes, her touch telling me

“You are the only one mom, what I need”

The lava within me transforms into tears

Welled up, accumulated from years

My heart becomes a mirror

Crystal clear,

Reflecting a picture of a mother

Who is enough, more than enough

The mother the creator

Who has the power,

To enthuse HOPE in every sphere

And now every fear,

This Mom is enough to conquer

So let’s cheer!