On and Off

Have been trying to find the answer
Since as long as I remember
I did come across one, found the way
(As a reward for my curiosity)
But it seemed too orthodox
Or maybe I did not have the courage
Or maybe I was not pure enough
Or maybe I just wasn’t lucky
Since now I know,
It was the one I have been looking for
It is the one everyone is looking for
Some know that they are
Some don’t, but they are

I tried to blend in… with the process
When I couldn’t, I tried to amend
Made it convenient & comfortable
Obviously, it wasn’t that effectual

Having said all that…
There was a brief moment,
Where in my indulgence was just perfect
Since I have had the taste of the nectar once
My heart always longs for it
On and Off is my relationship with God
There’s no point denying that
Had I been just a little bit serious
Things would have been different

Funny it is though
No matter how far I run
The nature forces me to remember
In surprising and magical ways
My one true answer

Failed to understand so far
And now I know
But it’s the realization only
that is the progress so far
Guess from the actual practice I am afar

Question is how do I do
When I have responsibilities up my shoulders
When I have people who rely on me
When I have materialistic ambitions
When my mind is full of lust and ignorance
Do I renounce all?
Or Else do I purify? How?
I get restless thinking of this
And the fact that I am a cowardice piece of shit